I guess there goes most of J.H.Prynne's oeuvre ... and this email
On 8/16/07, Peter Cudmore <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> You don't want to send people to the dictionary in the first line... they
> won't be paying attention for the rest of it.
>
> P
>
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
> > Behalf Of Patrick McManus
> > Sent: 16 August 2007 09:11
> > To: [log in to unmask]
> > Subject: Re: poem revised
> >
> > Well I have trouble with the first line -surely we know what they sound
> like
> > -could it not be more informal shorter like say just(he says
> tentatively!!)
> > cicadas trill
> > (or what ever they do blast stridulate ??barrack? clamour?? ballyhoo??
> > Cacophony?? Stridulating (like poets at a reading!!
> > Cheers P
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
> > Behalf Of andrew burke
> > Sent: 16 August 2007 07:27
> > To: [log in to unmask]
> > Subject: poem revised
> >
> > After a number of drafts, and some suggestions from p'etcers, notably
> > Max 'Cooee' Richards, I have revised my 'snap' poem, Changing the
> > Sprinkler (including changing its title):
> >
> >
> >
> > Gibb River Evening
> >
> >
> > In the shrill sound of cicadas
> > I move the sprinkler
> > pulling the hose over
> > red rocky ground.
> >
> > Who drinks here
> > beneath the evening sky
> > with the lace silhouette
> > of tall gums before
> > the pink sky's edge?
> > A straw-necked ibis
> > wings away and quacks
> > like a duck. Beneath
> > ochre-red clay, amongst
> > a complex syntax of roots,
> > strongest of earth's creatures
> > push and pull a way
> > through thickest breath.
> > Webbed eggs fill a dark cavity,
> > a thick-bellied vein worms
> > by a deep chamber.
> >
> > I turn my ear to
> > a chortle, a choking sound
> > below the cicadas -
> > once, then nothing.
> >
> >
> >
> > --
> > Andrew
> > http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
> > http://www.inblogs.net/hispirits
> > http://www.flickr.com/photos/aburke/
> >
> >
> > --
> > No virus found in this incoming message.
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> > Version: 7.5.476 / Virus Database: 269.11.19/953 - Release Date:
> 14/08/2007
> > 17:19
>
--
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