Pigeons on the grass alas.
Pigeons on the roof aloof.
G. Stein & friend
Hal
Sal si puedes.
Halvard Johnson
================
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On Jul 1, 2007, at 2:34 AM, MC Ward wrote:
> While fighting to keep "aloof," I can do without
> "cheeping." (I suppose "crisply fried" goes too far.)
>
> Candice
>
>
>
> --- Stephen Vincent <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>> Yo, Doug, I join in the praise!
>>
>> Stephen V
>>
>>
>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>> From: "Douglas Barbour" <[log in to unmask]>
>>> To: <[log in to unmask]>
>>> Sent: Thursday, June 28, 2007 1:20 PM
>>> Subject: delayed SNAP
>>>
>>>
>>>> World full of trouble
>>>> but Planet keeps on
>>>>
>>>> keeping small things
>>>> bird on a wire cheeping
>>>> in bright sun lit
>>>>
>>>> & in their nest upon the hydro
>>>> pole eaglets squall
>>>> hidden still
>>>> grey mother hovering
>>>>
>>>> male's aloof white head
>>>> impervious to cries & traffic noise
>>>> gazing out upon the river
>>>> bridge fields the small
>>>> running food to come
>>>>
>>>> (Grand River, Cambridge Ontario)
>>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> I like this a lot, Doug. Fast rhythm /
>> alliteration in stanza 3, w/ "small"
>>> in last stanza picking up "squall." If I may make
>> 2 suggestions: you don't
>>> need "lit" in st. 2; and in 4, "aloof" =
>> "impervious": how about simply "the
>>> male's white head"? The distinction
>> "World"/"Planet" very nicely poses,
>>> opens the door on, what follows.
>>
>
>
>
>
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