Nice one, Hal. (And it even comes with "aloof"!)
Candice
--- Halvard Johnson <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Pigeons on the grass alas.
> Pigeons on the roof aloof.
>
> G. Stein & friend
>
> Hal
>
> Sal si puedes.
>
> Halvard Johnson
> ================
> [log in to unmask]
> http://home.earthlink.net/~halvard/index.html
> http://entropyandme.blogspot.com
> http://imageswithoutwords.blogspot.com
> http://www.hamiltonstone.org
>
http://home.earthlink.net/~halvard/vidalocabooks.html
>
>
>
>
>
> On Jul 1, 2007, at 2:34 AM, MC Ward wrote:
>
> > While fighting to keep "aloof," I can do without
> > "cheeping." (I suppose "crisply fried" goes too
> far.)
> >
> > Candice
> >
> >
> >
> > --- Stephen Vincent <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >
> >> Yo, Doug, I join in the praise!
> >>
> >> Stephen V
> >>
> >>
> >>> ----- Original Message -----
> >>> From: "Douglas Barbour"
> <[log in to unmask]>
> >>> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> >>> Sent: Thursday, June 28, 2007 1:20 PM
> >>> Subject: delayed SNAP
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>> World full of trouble
> >>>> but Planet keeps on
> >>>>
> >>>> keeping small things
> >>>> bird on a wire cheeping
> >>>> in bright sun lit
> >>>>
> >>>> & in their nest upon the hydro
> >>>> pole eaglets squall
> >>>> hidden still
> >>>> grey mother hovering
> >>>>
> >>>> male's aloof white head
> >>>> impervious to cries & traffic noise
> >>>> gazing out upon the river
> >>>> bridge fields the small
> >>>> running food to come
> >>>>
> >>>> (Grand River, Cambridge Ontario)
> >>>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> I like this a lot, Doug. Fast rhythm /
> >> alliteration in stanza 3, w/ "small"
> >>> in last stanza picking up "squall." If I may
> make
> >> 2 suggestions: you don't
> >>> need "lit" in st. 2; and in 4, "aloof" =
> >> "impervious": how about simply "the
> >>> male's white head"? The distinction
> >> "World"/"Planet" very nicely poses,
> >>> opens the door on, what follows.
> >>
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
______________________________________________________________________
>
> > ______________
> > Moody friends. Drama queens. Your life? Nope! -
> their life, your
> > story. Play Sims Stories at Yahoo! Games.
> > http://sims.yahoo.com/
>
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