Yo, Doug, I join in the praise!
Stephen V
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Douglas Barbour" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Thursday, June 28, 2007 1:20 PM
> Subject: delayed SNAP
>
>
>> World full of trouble
>> but Planet keeps on
>>
>> keeping small things
>> bird on a wire cheeping
>> in bright sun lit
>>
>> & in their nest upon the hydro
>> pole eaglets squall
>> hidden still
>> grey mother hovering
>>
>> male's aloof white head
>> impervious to cries & traffic noise
>> gazing out upon the river
>> bridge fields the small
>> running food to come
>>
>> (Grand River, Cambridge Ontario)
>>
>
>
> I like this a lot, Doug. Fast rhythm / alliteration in stanza 3, w/ "small"
> in last stanza picking up "squall." If I may make 2 suggestions: you don't
> need "lit" in st. 2; and in 4, "aloof" = "impervious": how about simply "the
> male's white head"? The distinction "World"/"Planet" very nicely poses,
> opens the door on, what follows.
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