ah -- yes, i misunderstood. thanks for the clarification.
On 4/6/07, Anny Ballardini <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> Sorry Sharon,
>
> are you answering my message? If yes, I was not clear. I mean that you
> could
> use instead of "I stepped" (since you said you did not like that "I")
> "Stepping".
> That "Could go?" meant: do you think this could work? Something like this:
>
> *Stepping from my house this morning*
> *into shivering air, trembling air, symphonies*
> *....*
>
> I don't dislike your version starting with:
>
> *I stepped from my house this morning*
> *into...
> *
>
> On 4/6/07, sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >
> > maybe this?
> >
> > Head crowded with voices from dreams
> > > I stepped from my house this morning
> > > into shivering air, trembling air, symphonies
> > > of waxwings and robins, a percussion
> > > of crows ... Why do we enter the future
> > > with the past in our night pockets? Trees
> > > shook with squirrel passions; goldfish
> > > drifted from the pond's dark bottom
> > > into pale water. At dusk the mountains
> > > were scarved with mist.
> > >
> >
> > i don't think the stepping out can go -- how else to transition from
> dream
> > to morning? -- that transition being, in some way, the heart of the
> poem,
> > i
> > think?
> >
> > & yes, i have certainily been influenced heavily by translations from
> > chinese (& japanese).
> >
> >
> > On 4/6/07, Anny Ballardini <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > >
> > > Stepping from my house this morning
> > > ...
> > > ? Could this go?
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
> > --
> > ~ SB =^..^=
> >
> > http://www.sbpoet.com
> >
>
--
~ SB =^..^=
http://www.sbpoet.com
|