hah, I'm becoming an ambiguous fixture..
won't go to town thanks, maybe just around the block.
as far as poems about food go, this is good. it doesn't rhyme
'pies/eyes' or anything!
l. 4 is fun, being a 'line' itself.
"dun to char" is a tiny but comfortable little aural crack.
"night in the throat / smoked in its tracks" is beautiful.
the second-last stanza is my favourite, vivid resemblance to WCW that
isn't mimed all the way through, just snapped in one stanza.
if there's any problem here it's the rhythm; the last two stanzas have
a good stop-go feeling of not being sure whether the lines continue or
stand alone, but the attempt to do this in the first st. isn't quite
successful in my opinion. this is really because the stutter of the
rhythm hasn't been established yet, & because the first line doesn't
continue into the second, while the second continues into the third &
so on. I think there should be an ounce more control of advancement,
how the poem moves along.
but otherwise this is nice. :)
KS
On 26/03/07, MC Ward <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> I'm a little embarassed by the number of my poems in
> which food is mentioned. Here is one, and Kasper
> should feel free to go to town on it.
>
> Tenebrisquet
>
> too dark to cook
> the meat's burnt
> a shade along
>
> the color line
>
> dun to char
> the air just
> prior to
>
> abrasion wafts
> night in the throat
> smoked in its tracks
>
>
> from _The Moon Sees the One_, Wild Honey Press (c)
> copyright Candice Ward, 2006
>
>
>
>
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