my pleasure.
I find that my writing is like a scales, except instead of just two
balancing sides there are at least seven
KS
On 27/03/07, MC Ward <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Thanks so much, Kasper, for your helpful comments.
> I've always had problems with rhythm, but your remarks
> about that make me want to pay more attention to it
> instead of focusing exclusively on the poem's sound
> and visual elements.
>
> Candice
>
>
>
> -- kasper salonen <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> > hah, I'm becoming an ambiguous fixture..
> > won't go to town thanks, maybe just around the
> > block.
> >
> > as far as poems about food go, this is good. it
> > doesn't rhyme
> > 'pies/eyes' or anything!
> > l. 4 is fun, being a 'line' itself.
> > "dun to char" is a tiny but comfortable little aural
> > crack.
> > "night in the throat / smoked in its tracks" is
> > beautiful.
> > the second-last stanza is my favourite, vivid
> > resemblance to WCW that
> > isn't mimed all the way through, just snapped in one
> > stanza.
> >
> > if there's any problem here it's the rhythm; the
> > last two stanzas have
> > a good stop-go feeling of not being sure whether the
> > lines continue or
> > stand alone, but the attempt to do this in the first
> > st. isn't quite
> > successful in my opinion. this is really because the
> > stutter of the
> > rhythm hasn't been established yet, & because the
> > first line doesn't
> > continue into the second, while the second continues
> > into the third &
> > so on. I think there should be an ounce more control
> > of advancement,
> > how the poem moves along.
> > but otherwise this is nice. :)
> >
> > KS
> >
> > On 26/03/07, MC Ward <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > > I'm a little embarassed by the number of my poems
> > in
> > > which food is mentioned. Here is one, and Kasper
> > > should feel free to go to town on it.
> > >
> > > Tenebrisquet
> > >
> > > too dark to cook
> > > the meat's burnt
> > > a shade along
> > >
> > > the color line
> > >
> > > dun to char
> > > the air just
> > > prior to
> > >
> > > abrasion wafts
> > > night in the throat
> > > smoked in its tracks
> > >
> > >
> > > from _The Moon Sees the One_, Wild Honey Press (c)
> > > copyright Candice Ward, 2006
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> >
> ____________________________________________________________________________________
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> >
>
>
>
>
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