Kasper, I'm with Andrew here. The poem moves according to ear and breath and
sense, and my only quibble is with the lineation of the first stanza. "How
something we do / not understand binds this universe.." Set out like this,
it misled me into thinking it was about "something we do" rather than
"something we do / not understand". I realised once I read to the 3rd line,
but could have done without the jolt of temporary misunderstanding!
But I do think the poem's an extraordinarily subtle expression of something
we've surely all felt. Thanks, Sharon.
joanna
----- Original Message -----
From: "kasper salonen" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, December 13, 2006 11:05 PM
Subject: Re: early snap
> yes seems we do disagree Andrew.. for example this stanza is very jarring
> for me to read:
>
> "...we may use to climb, or tie, or hang
> ourselves. Or others. How my brother,
> finally, released my hand, and died.
> This snow will, soon,
>
> release itself into air."
>
> they're 100% sticks to me. but I suppose taste is taste, or we could all
> academi-ize ourselves into the realm of Good Poetry. :)
>
> KS
>
> On 13/12/06, andrew burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>
>> Kasper - I disagree about the commas. They pace the poem with a gentle
>> introspection, like brushes on a snare drum instead of sticks.
>>
>> Andrew
>>
>>
>> On 13/12/06, kasper salonen <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>> >
>> > this is very good in that it muses & rambles philosophically, but
>> doesn't
>> > get stuck in all the common goo. some good little insights here, &
>> images.
>> > but technically the poem is a bit of a mess; if at least half of those
>> > commas were eradicated, this would be even better. the rhythm jumbles
>> this
>> > unnecessarily at the moment.
>> >
>> > KS
>> >
>>
>
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