Thanks, Joanna, and Roger and Kasper. Well, my friend Glen Phillips
has given it a right working over, and my wife hates it ... But I
shall persevere and work on it because I think there is something
worth saying there. Well, she probably ain't no Lady, but there again
they had an Emperor as gardener once. He probably enjoyed the outdoor
life and the exercise.
I will float a new version past you all in a day or two. Thanks for
the feedback - it really is helpful when you're stuck in Draft Two and
can't change gear.
Off to work now, teaching second year Chinese uni students about
Western media. It's really just an excuse to speak English.
Andrew
On 12/10/06, Roger Day <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> yeah, agreeing with Joanna here, so, hey, what's up doc?
>
> On 10/11/06, Joanna Boulter <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > Andrew, I love this.
> >
> > But I'm bothered by just one word, and that is "lady". Which she clearly
> > isn't, and the more real and true for that. Lady is a social construct;
> > ladies school their body language according to conventions which would be
> > totally irrelevant here. What she is is a woman, as your entire poem so
> > beautifully acknowledges
> >
> > And many, many congratulations on your PhD!
> >
> > very best
> >
> > joanna
> >
> > ----- Original Message -----
> > From: "andrew burke" <[log in to unmask]>
> > To: <[log in to unmask]>
> > Sent: Wednesday, October 11, 2006 7:06 AM
> > Subject: Flaw in the Snap
> >
> >
> > Sorry! I used 'passed' and not 'past' in my Sweeping Lady poem.
> > Corrected version follows. Any comments to make the poem better would
> > be appreciated.
> >
> > Sweeping Lady of Tiayuan
> >
> > … shape of those bent shoulders
> > and the entire body language
> > speaks of resignation
> > this lady sweeping leaves away
> > under a weeping tree
> >
> > as tourists by the hundred
> > walk past her, not noticing her,
> > staring at fading buildings,
> > weathered sculptures of wood and stone.
> > She is breathing on earth
> > the same air as they, but
> > working now, sweeping leaves …
> >
> > Holy holy holy her autumn breath,
> > holy her work among the trees,
> > holy her head more than ceilings of temples,
> > her arms more holy than a winding dragon,
> > her visage than the warrior's metal face.
> >
> >
> > --
> > Andrew
> > http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
> > http://www.bam.com.au/andrew
> >
>
>
> --
> http://www.badstep.net/
> http://www.cb1poetry.org.uk/
> Suspicion breeds confidence
>
--
Andrew
http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
http://www.bam.com.au/andrew
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