yeah, agreeing with Joanna here, so, hey, what's up doc?
On 10/11/06, Joanna Boulter <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Andrew, I love this.
>
> But I'm bothered by just one word, and that is "lady". Which she clearly
> isn't, and the more real and true for that. Lady is a social construct;
> ladies school their body language according to conventions which would be
> totally irrelevant here. What she is is a woman, as your entire poem so
> beautifully acknowledges
>
> And many, many congratulations on your PhD!
>
> very best
>
> joanna
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "andrew burke" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Wednesday, October 11, 2006 7:06 AM
> Subject: Flaw in the Snap
>
>
> Sorry! I used 'passed' and not 'past' in my Sweeping Lady poem.
> Corrected version follows. Any comments to make the poem better would
> be appreciated.
>
> Sweeping Lady of Tiayuan
>
> … shape of those bent shoulders
> and the entire body language
> speaks of resignation
> this lady sweeping leaves away
> under a weeping tree
>
> as tourists by the hundred
> walk past her, not noticing her,
> staring at fading buildings,
> weathered sculptures of wood and stone.
> She is breathing on earth
> the same air as they, but
> working now, sweeping leaves …
>
> Holy holy holy her autumn breath,
> holy her work among the trees,
> holy her head more than ceilings of temples,
> her arms more holy than a winding dragon,
> her visage than the warrior's metal face.
>
>
> --
> Andrew
> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
> http://www.bam.com.au/andrew
>
--
http://www.badstep.net/
http://www.cb1poetry.org.uk/
Suspicion breeds confidence
|