Hello everyone,
I have been sat back shyly observing the debates held on the Discussion list for quite some time now, but Colin Revell and Jenny Parry discussing my favourite subject - SEX - this week has finally got me out of reserve. Sex is important and sex must be talked about, everywhere and to anyone, the more, the better. Sexuality is a fundamental human right and to say that one shall not talk about disabled people doing IT is to deny their personhood. This has all been said before, but somehow the message did still not get trough to some (most(?)) people out there.
In my current job as a social worker for people with learning difficulties, the most disempowered group of disabled people who are still spoken ABOUT rather than TO when plans about their lives are made (at least in the council I work for), I constantly come across issues related to sexuality, but only when sexuality is seen as a "problem", an issue that can be dragged to the next best "strategy meeting", of which we hold plenty. For all those of you who are not familiar with this ridiculous jargon (lucky you!), a "strategy meeting" is when ten or so professionals sit around a table and talk ABOUT very private issues concerning a third person who is normally not present. The outcome is an "adult protection strategy". This way I was part of meetings held regarding a couple with learning difficulties who were "touching each other inappropriately" in the semi-public space of their living room. The assumption was made that he must be abusing her, because women are vulnerable. This was ridiculous as the people concerned were clearly two consenting adults and the ultimate "solution" to their "deviant behaviour" of making the other residents of their home witness their caresses would have been to send them to their room, give them a condom and tell them to get on with IT.
... but this would not have worked, because nobody has ever told them what to GET ON WITH! Picking up Colin Revell's point: Sex is everywhere, especially within popular culture. So yes, they would get on with SOMETHING, but whether this would be the most fulfilling sex for both of them is questionable, if all they can base their expectations on is watching people on “Friends” having “sex” in their underwear or watching a rape scene in a film and thinking that this is the norm, that the man is in charge and that the women has no choice and really enjoys pain.
To prevent that kind of sex we must talk about IT. To stop unnecessary "strategy meetings" and the invasion of two adult’s privacy, we must normalise and talk about IT. To make people aware of disabled people having sex, being sexual, being sexy, why not have a porn star in a wheelchair!?! I have nothing but respect for Encarna Conde as she is giving her all, namely her body for this campaign. I can honestly say that I would not have the guts to do this! Go on Encarna!
All the best,
Andrea Hollomotz
PS: Encarna Conde is the “porn star in a wheelchair” Colin was referring to in his mail dated 27/06/06. I am sending the link yet again below.
http://film.guardian.co.uk/news/story/0,,1805526,00.html
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