Thanks, Joanna, you added a wonderful reason for "even" (which I did use and
then send the poem to my teachers). I can now imagine an evenly grey sky.
Hope you'll keep us posted on your masterclass in translating.
Joodles
----- Original Message -----
From: "Joanna Boulter" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, October 07, 2005 5:56 PM
Subject: Re: poem: Maple Leaf Bridge Sheep Stop
> Having used "even" recently in another poem needn't stop you using it in
> this one, surely -- they probably wouldn't be read together. However, if
> you're wondering about monosyllables, how about "as is the sky"? But I
> think "even" is better, probably because it *sounds even.
>
> This is interesting -- have booked myself in for a series of masterclasses
> on translating poetry, Feb/March at Newcastle University, and am looking
> forward to it.
>
> joanna
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "judy prince" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Friday, October 07, 2005 7:30 PM
> Subject: Re: poem: Maple Leaf Bridge Sheep Stop
>
>
>> Thanks, Ken,
>>
>> Yeah, my first thought was "even"----but I'd used it recently in another
>> poem. Do you think it'd work better here than "including"? This is
>> still a translation in progress, and I'd love to have it sound at least
>> adequate to my teachers' ears.
>>
>> And, you're right, Ken, Chinese words are monosyllables, as far as I know
>> (which is not too far, believe me).
>>
>> Judy
>>
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Ken Wolman" <[log in to unmask]>
>> To: <[log in to unmask]>
>> Sent: Friday, October 07, 2005 2:25 PM
>> Subject: Re: poem: Maple Leaf Bridge Sheep Stop
>>
>>
>>> judy prince wrote:
>>>
>>>>Maple Leaf Bridge Sheep Stop
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>the moon sinks
>>>>a crow screams
>>>>all is frozen
>>>>including the sky
>>>>
>>>>I face a bank of red leaf maples
>>>>a fishing boat light
>>>>and sleepless worry
>>>>
>>>>at midnight outside Soo Jo city
>>>>a Shan Mountain Temple bell sound strikes the boat
>>>>I am a stranger here
>>>>
>>>>~~~~~~~
>>>>Jang Ji
>>>>China, 800 A.D.
>>>>translated 10-7-05
>>>>by Judy Prince
>>>>
>>> I of course have no way to be "critical" of a poem out of any Asian
>>> language, but this reads gorgeously...only thing as a poem in English is
>>> a word as multisyllabic as "including." Not sure what a substitute
>>> might be. Years ago I'd read around in Li Po, Li Ho, and Tu Fu, marvel,
>>> wonder at how seemingly disconnected images create something in the mind
>>> that is cohesive.
>>>
>>> ken
>>>
>>> --
>>> Kenneth Wolman
>>> Proposal Development Department
>>> Room SW334
>>> Sarnoff Corporation
>>> 609-734-2538
>>> Was he free? Was he happy? The question is absurd:
>>> Had anything been wrong, we should certainly have heard.
>>> W.H. Auden
>>>
>>
>
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