Thanks, Ken,
Yeah, my first thought was "even"----but I'd used it recently in another
poem. Do you think it'd work better here than "including"? This is still a
translation in progress, and I'd love to have it sound at least adequate to
my teachers' ears.
And, you're right, Ken, Chinese words are monosyllables, as far as I know
(which is not too far, believe me).
Judy
----- Original Message -----
From: "Ken Wolman" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, October 07, 2005 2:25 PM
Subject: Re: poem: Maple Leaf Bridge Sheep Stop
> judy prince wrote:
>
>>Maple Leaf Bridge Sheep Stop
>>
>>
>>the moon sinks
>>a crow screams
>>all is frozen
>>including the sky
>>
>>I face a bank of red leaf maples
>>a fishing boat light
>>and sleepless worry
>>
>>at midnight outside Soo Jo city
>>a Shan Mountain Temple bell sound strikes the boat
>>I am a stranger here
>>
>>~~~~~~~
>>Jang Ji
>>China, 800 A.D.
>>translated 10-7-05
>>by Judy Prince
>>
> I of course have no way to be "critical" of a poem out of any Asian
> language, but this reads gorgeously...only thing as a poem in English is a
> word as multisyllabic as "including." Not sure what a substitute might
> be. Years ago I'd read around in Li Po, Li Ho, and Tu Fu, marvel, wonder
> at how seemingly disconnected images create something in the mind that is
> cohesive.
>
> ken
>
> --
> Kenneth Wolman
> Proposal Development Department
> Room SW334
> Sarnoff Corporation
> 609-734-2538
> Was he free? Was he happy? The question is absurd:
> Had anything been wrong, we should certainly have heard.
> W.H. Auden
>
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