"...and then they go on and spout the most urbane and
unimportant and sometimes even untrue things about
you...and they don't even know you that well!" renata
was calmly incensed. She inhaled a cigarette.
"I have been on the recieving end of some of those
conversations."
"It's so boring, and so petty. Did you say -- hmm?
People were talking about moi? What did they say?" "They
said you were a whore." Kathleen laughed. "Well,
everyone knows that about me. I thought I was being
slandered."
"They said you were a whore and that you despised
Picasso."
"Oh, stop your lies, Hollobecque. No one said that. Did
they mention my heart of gold, though?"
"No," replied Holly, drily.
"Good. I still have some secrets. As long as people
think I am a cruel coldhearted whore I can keep
writing."
"GOD," Renata said out loud. "What?"
"Well, Kathleen, it's like...I just realised that this
has actually happened. no more fake empty popularity. No
more Sheba coming over at two am to borrow paint. No
more jealous gossip. And all we have to do is a few
chores?"
"Nothing even that bad. I can clean my own toilet. And
since I stopped having openings, no one comes back here.
And I don't want your money. Just vacuum now and then,
be nice to the cats...and of course I value my privacy.
You can use all the toys. Although I bet that interests
you more, huh, Holly?"
Holly was silent for a moment. "I just was thinking..."
"What are you thinking about, huh, Holl?"
Kathleen Kyung had been an actress and playwright, that
is how she met Holly Randall. They had taken turns being
in each others' plays and beds for a time before Renata
had come into their lives, but Kathleen remained utterly
nonplussed; accepting of Hollobecque's new love.
"We're artists," she had said, "it's supposed to be
different among our kind." As a result she had made the
best friend of her life in Renata; the three, the young
couple and the performance artist spent many evenings in
deep conversation together.
"That curtain over the bay window...it utterly blocks
the -- no one out there can see it, right?"
"As long as you pull it completely to."
He stood and took large steps towards the front of the
room. "So I can move this couch? And use the laser
lights and the camera?"
beanwhile...
gently breathing in the Azure
she is now my Brother
our separation knows no Bounds
but we are bound together
Chained by links of Suffering
we paint each other blue
she is left to wandering
and i consult the sky.
my father walked in dooms of love
bvut i dispute that barricade
my teeth of ice, my tongue of lead
my icons and my masquerade
god and Madness now appear
thought and feeling float in space
she sees my sound and seeds my ground
she shares my space and wears my face.
om~sivani
written
1992 summer
It is hard to kick againstthe goads!
Don’t cross the streams!
The white zone is for loading and unloading only.
The idea is – at least ONE TIME your parents who loved
you and wanted you to havethebest in life – LIED to you.
At leastonce.
You swallowed it because it was a little white lie, like
Santa is coming or bee good and the easter bunny will –
You swallowed it like a Flintstones’ Chewable and grew
up. If you lok into yourself –if youtake your OWN
inventory – some problem you have been having will fuck
off out of your life with no loss to you.
working in hollywood has its advantages. sometimes even
when i have money someone will buy me a drink.
i work but not in the industry per se. i am an
astrologer for old ladies, grandmas...i feel like a
whore who isn't getting fucked. it's basically boring..
“yeah, well you are a progressed Jerk-off with moon in
get real. You need to take these pills and lay down...”
they give me $50.
makes rent. then I go to the viper room and stare at
people who really can NOT see me. if you ever new an
asshole, well you knew one tenth of a Hollywood asshole.
Anyway this is about the day i was sitting there and
Chris Ricci comes up to me looking all shy. "Do you mind
if I sit here?"
Everybody knows Chris Ricci. She's the girl who is too
pretty and smart to get decent parts. Hollywood is full
of psychic vampires who use people, casting directors
who hate women and use their influence to get fucked and
then of course the other side -- young women who are
burnt out, raped more than a few times...since I am a
psychic astrologer I can read people like a book. I am
looking at Christ Ricci and i think:
real smart. so used to being underestimated it doesn't
faze her. Bored. wants to talk to someone who is not
gonna hit on her.
"Sure," I say, "sit down!"
So we talk and we talk about working in hollywood.
i USED to be an actor. And she is a little disappointed
but not entirely suprised that even though i am a fan i
have never ever sat through a movie she has been in. i
couldn't name one now!
"So i used to be an actor…basically, okay, Chris,"
"...whatever..."
"this is why I will never act again. i was in a
readaptation of A Chrsitmas Carol for Canadian teevee."
she is sipping her lager.
"...and basically we were seven actors playing all the
roles, except for Scrooge who played the same role all
the way through."
"yeah?"
"but the thing was...i kinda feel bad...i sort of liked
the woman who played mrs. cratchit."
"you were Bob Cratchit?"
very intuitive, i noticed. with a nod i continued."also
Old Fezz and Old Joe, and the big part was jacob marley1
for my whole career i had played --"
a couple of angries sitting around acting, or something
"--kiddy roles! the cheshire cat for chrissake. the
hereald in sleeping beauty...yeah...the
prince...whatever. it sucked! i was an actor. but
because of my race --"
"i know...tall girls beat me out."
"it stinks and that's why i am working here again,
casting charts. i am going to canada to write plays."
"casting charts...oh! that takes me back! so you're an
astrologer!"
the viper room is a cool place. johnny Depp walks by
talking to slash. Slash as usual way way smarter than --
well he doesn't look stupid.
"right!"
"well you have to tell me some cool stuff. but go on."
"right uh...so anyway i was getting these dirty looks
from Mr's Cratchit's husband! all throug the run. it was
like heat vision, chris...it added another level to the
performance but...i had to work with them They put it
in the can and never showed it. i got paid..but i felt
like all my work was for nothing."
"Tough break, man."
"you said it! i won't ever perform again. i am goonna
write -- and it;s so much more than that! everybody is
not a jealous stupid asshole. Every jealous person is
not a stupid asshole -- but it just made me think of
David Schwimmer with thos ehorrible lighting directors,"
i shaded my glasses from the overhead - i always wer
shades cause just because i stay stoned doesn't mean i
have to be obviously all stoned -- "those horrible
lighting directors and it;s bad enough Ross never gets
the girl -- in nazi hollywood --" Cristina winced but
stared right at me -- "i ould imagine Pitt" -- i
whispered" staring at Scwimmer cracking his gum with his
biceps bared, thinking 'just one wrong move, jewboy' and
they aren't even MARRIED any more!"
"i know, it sucks."
"So basically i am gonna go to Canada to write the sort
of stuff that would be artshouse drama – and it will be
produced in France. It happens all the time – and so I
don’t watse time pitching here. These guys would saw
Nolan Ryan’s arm off – greedy..you know.”
“I’m glad I thought with you. Hey.”
Chris is buying me drinks now., I am flush but she is
like megaplatinum and I am basically just having a
goodmonth. So hey! I’ll drink in the bar. It’s just
like new york, just warmer and – well basically that
whole thing about Califirnia being flakier than new
york? It’s true but Hollywood is the equalizer. Very
corporate.
I am hoarse from smoking blunts and drinking vodka.
Actual cigars – I am not smoking weed in the viperroom –
I don’t get off with people I don’t know real well.
Policy.
Later I am in this apartment. It sucks. But it’s my
hollywood apartment. And Chrsitina is reading my
script.
“I can’t stop reading it. It’s brilliant. Can I have
it?”
“if you promise not to show anyone?”
“But this is great!”
“jesus Christ! I told you how ai feel about this place.
They would ruin it out of jealous. I – If you want to
go to Canada there is apart for you. But come on – you
are as good as Swank or any of the rest of them and they
won’t give you parts caus ethey can’t adhjust their
cinematography requirements? Look – I didn’t come here
to get ganked by sharks. I cam ehere to cast charts and
basically – work on more ideas that people here
would…either hate or rin cause they didn’t understand. I
don’t trust this place anymore than I do to live and
work OUTSIDE of entertainmenmt. They’re greedy and cold
and they hate – no way! It’s crawling with sharks.
Brain sharks! They can’t eat my brains.”
She laughed.
Later I drove her her back to her car. “hey it was
real. So anyway I will see you at the bar.’
“No wait…I want to ask you something!”
So we talked about Russian ballet and arts house films,
we talked about estoteric philosophy – she’s really
smart! And she agreed to let me use some of her
photographs for my digital CGI still work. Everyone in
H’wood is not cool, like Christina. Some people are real
fucking little pieces of shit, like Hitler was a
shitbomb that exploded and blew little crap fragments
into 2004. But that’s what Chrsimas is all about..or
something.
merry christmas from
godlikeproductions.com
mikal x
http://particlezen.proboards7.com/index.cgi
the edge of everything. no, really.
http://www.deadjournal.com/users/cataleptik/
catal3ptik is a rav3r
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