Dear All,
Since Alan Sokal wrote his “avatar” post, I have been reflecting on my life
on the list. I did not wish to react quickly, but to think deeply on what I
want to say.
Last week, I apologized to the list for my sharp tongue. I was reflecting on
my list participation when Alan Sokal posted his note. Ken posted a few
misleading words to buy me some time. Now, it is time to tell you about
myself.
Ken and I share the same computer, but our relationship with each other is
more complex than an ordinary pseudonym or Avatar.
Ken began to wonder what would happen if he could speak as a voice without a
history offering an argument based on an intellectual or rhetorical position
rather than perceived social position. This called for something that he
does not have, a voice that could speak with no perceivable power,
authority, or academic standing. Pondering how to carry out discussions on
the list that he wanted to have but felt that he could not have as the
person he was, Ken visited Hotmail, and here I was.
As a part-time graduate student, I have no power. Because I work in a normal
job and study part-time, I’m not even an academic. The newest doctoral
student on this list has a higher academic standing than a part-time grad
student. To be that person, I had to come from somewhere (the Midwest), do
something (consulting), and so on. Obviously, I am none of these things.
There is a different between a persona and a person. I owe you an apology
for seeming to be what I am not.
In recent days, things took turns I did not plan. I developed a sharper
tongue than I planned to do, and I became involved in list dynamics in a way
that I should not have done. Unfortunately, I discovered that I was just as
forceful as Ken.
After my apology to the list, I received some 28 notes and comments. Some
told me that I was out of line and suggested I behave myself or leave the
list. More said that I had nothing to apologize for. Some told stories of
their own experiences and difficulties speaking up on the issues I voiced.
These private letters taught me that the authority of sound argument and the
force of rhetoric count for more than the perceived social position of the
speaker. On one hand, it means that some fears about power distance are
groundless here. On the other, it means that it is possible to seek a better
way to unpack issues and their meaning.
In arguing the same cases as Ken without the impediment of power distance,
this led to a second problem. My rhetoric changed the tone of some list
conversations despite the fact that I have neither a recognizable name nor
power. Rather than raise questions and perspectives, I stepped over a
boundary that I should not have crossed.
In the process, I made interesting discoveries. Some people were delighted
to hear an argument for these positions because they felt they could not
take a forceful stand for different reasons. I had the pleasure of meeting
people who never wrote to Ken. I learned to know other people from a
different perspective than they took with Ken or the list, people who
revealed other sides, greater depth, and sometimes personal issues they did
not bring forward elsewhere. (I adapted or came to voice some of their
positions.)
At the same time, I made serious mistakes in judgment. I said negative
things to people that some feel Ken wanted to say but did not and my support
for his position on some issues made a difference to the tone of the debate.
Attempting to create a person in this way raises ethical questions with the
potential for disillusionment and deception. This was a serious mistake of
judgment, and it is why I apologized and went silent at the end of last
week.
The best approach now is to apologize again for my sharp tongue and for
participating in a deceptive act. In the effort to argue without authority,
Ken made an unwise choice. Ken should have remembered just how much is
involved in creating and supporting the social network and human relations
of any individual.
I have notified all of my private correspondents before writing to the list.
Now I notify the list community.
I apologize for the effects I created by speaking as a voice with strong
ideas but no power or authority.
Perhaps this is impossible.
Whether it is or is not, I regret my attempt to participate in the
PhD-Design community as such a voice.
Sincerely,
Cindy Jackson
_________________________________________________________________
Don’t just search. Find. Check out the new MSN Search!
http://search.msn.click-url.com/go/onm00200636ave/direct/01/
|