Dear ListSisters

This is a very sensitive posting, and I am sure there are many Listners out
there who can offer help.  However, to preserve confidentiality, I have
deleted the identifying details from the message.  Please will you try to
help this woman in any way you can by responding to her request via the ARM
email address.  I will pass on your messages as soon as they come through.

Many thanks
Ishbel

To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: 18 January 2001 22:10
Subject: Birth fears


To whom it may concern

I am 25 years old and 21weeks pregnant.  I am having trouble getting
information and support regarding my problem.  I was wondering if you can
help?

I have psycho-sexual problems which I have had counselling for,
unfortunately this did not help and if anything has made the problem worse.
This stems from being abused by a female family member and a difficult
childhood.

The problem I have is the prospect of a vaginal birth.  I have great fears
of actually giving birth, but also the prospect of having internal
examinations and being exposed.  I have spoke to my midwife who did not
offer much support and I have had an appointment with my obstetrician who
suggests that a caesarean section is my best option.  I am worried if I go
through a natural birth it will affect my relationship with my baby (I fear
I will resent it and reject it).  I also worry it will greatly affect my
relationship with my husband who has always been very supportive.  The
obstetrician feels it will be better emotionally for myself and the baby.

I feel that the best option is a caesarean but am obvioulsy concerned that
it is a major operation and it will take longer to recover from.  I am
confused as to whether this way is better than if I have the baby naturally
and go through psychological problems post-nataly.  I would greatly
appreciate your advice on this matter and any information you can give me
about cases like mine and also positive information about caesarean sections
(as all I can find is negative things!)

Thank you very much for your help in this matter.  I do hope you can help me
and I look forward to hearing from you.

Regards

C.R.