Thanks, Doug. Normally I agee with you. Today I'm not sure. The brevity may work to conflate eyes to personal curtains but it might sound like the canals have curtains! So rather than deleting 'eye', I have deleted 'personal', avoiding the line end hyphen. (I've left 'wood' with hyphen to create a sort of pun with 'would'.) Also I have inserted punctuation. Otherwise, on reflection, my upper case letters look a bit odd and lower casing the lot might too. Any advice on that score would be appreciated. Now it looks like this:
Curtain free
Living in the full glare,
never feeling the need
to close or draw.
Who'd see anyway,
only the odd roo, wood-
duck or magpie.
So dawns dawn;
no sudden light
admission by
dint of raked rings,
twilights allowed
their full reduction.
Mind you it's easy
here in the bush.
Apparently in Amsterdam,
they also lead
uncurtained lives.
Although you could,
it's infra dig
to peer into privacy.
I like that:
strolling the canals
with eye-curtains
closed,
inmates knowing
they can disport
accordingly.
bw
23.8.13
On 23/08/2013, at 3:14 AM, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> I like how the short lines work here, Bill. But would drop 'eye' completely...
>
> Doug
> On 2013-08-20, at 4:49 PM, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>> Accept your i for an e, Max and the hyphen which i had considered but thought looked odd at the line end. What about the title then, hyphen too? Re drawing, puns notwithstanding, Owen at least draws down so you know. Oxford dictionary says drawing is opening or closing so the answer to anyone, given that you have been last to touch them, when asked have you drawn the blinds, is always 'Yes'.
>>
>> Cheers,
>> Bil
>>
>> On 21/08/2013, at 7:42 AM, Max Richards wrote:
>>
>>> Enjoyable wandering.
>>> personal eye-curtains? - I find myself inserting a hyphen there, Bill.
>>> Should dent be dint maybe?
>>>
>>> Hey,how about this! -
>>>
>>>
>>> http://nq.oxfordjournals.org/content/56/3/409.extract
>>> ‘A Drawing-Down of Blinds’: Wilfred Owen's Punning Conclusion to ‘Anthem for Doomed Youth’
>>>
>>> On 21/08/2013, at 7:15 AM, Bill Wootton wrote:
>>>
>>>> Curtain free
>>>>
>>>> Living in the full glare
>>>> never feeling the need
>>>> to close or draw
>>>>
>>>> Who'd see anyway
>>>> only the odd roo wood
>>>> duck or magpie
>>>>
>>>> So dawns dawn
>>>> No sudden light
>>>> admission by
>>>>
>>>> dent of raked rings
>>>> twilights allowed
>>>> their full reduction
>>>>
>>>> Mind you it's easy
>>>> here in the bush
>>>> Apparently in Amsterdam
>>>>
>>>> they also lead
>>>> uncurtained lives
>>>> Although you could
>>>>
>>>> it's infra dig
>>>> to peer into privacy
>>>> I like that
>>>>
>>>> Strolling the canals
>>>> with personal eye
>>>> curtains closed
>>>>
>>>> inmates knowing
>>>> they can disport
>>>> accordingly
>>>>
>>>> bw
>>>> 21.8.13
>>>>
>>>> By the way, does drawing blinds mean opening or closing them? I can never forget Spike Milligan's 'Inside, the blinds were drawn but the furniture was real' but am no closer to resolving the question.
>
> Douglas Barbour
> [log in to unmask]
>
> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
> http://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
>
> Latest books:
> Continuations & Continuations 2 (with Sheila E Murphy)
> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=962
> Recording Dates
> (Rubicon Press)
>
> Art is always the replacing of indifference by attention.
>
> Guy Davenport
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
|