Thank you Judy. I don't really have anyone to read my work where I live, so I have no critical ear to try. Thank you for reading it. The last of it, yes, that's close.
caleb
-----Original Message-----
From: Poetryetc provides a venue for a dialogue relating to poetry and
poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]]On Behalf Of Judy Prince
Sent: Tuesday, 14 February 2006 8:43 PM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: a poem almost
Caleb,
especially straight-target: "take the straightedge...." to the end of the poem. power stuff, that.
judy
> From: Caleb Cluff <[log in to unmask]>
> Date: 2006/02/14 Tue AM 12:24:31 EST
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: a poem almost
>
> This is my first post... very unsure... is this the right way to go about it? Posting I mean, tho' I'm not sure about the writing either sometimes...
>
> Cutting the old man's hair
>
> 'Can I borrow some of your time, young fella?'
> and I know I must go, jump the fence and go
> to his land, to where
>
> sit his low table and his chair.
>
> Hands me a beer, and the shears are there. This slight ritual takes small libation.
>
> We begin our assignation.
>
> Neat towel around the shoulders he's boxing clear
> of our time, and on the Darebin again.
>
> 'Had my own chickens, ducks there too, and sold the eggs.
> Played all day on the creek, no worries and when
> I worked on the Council, the trucks, the fittest man, no fear.'
>
> No fear.
>
> 'And Mum was tough - the milko ashed into the can. She knocked his durrie from his hand
> into the street...'
>
> pausing briefly for race three
>
> 'and poured the milk out on the ground. The bugger never made a sound.'
>
> Now silent as the clippers glide, the hairs on his neck briefly rise, in one deep pleasure rolled inside.
>
> Take the straightedge, cut these clean. The lines, like creeks white against the tan, run long and flow inside the man.
>
> Flicking the razor clean again, I drag my fingers on his skin. Somewhere's my father, deep within.
>
> His mother's in a nursing home...
>
> All time is borrowed, I suppose.
> I stroke the cut hair from his clothes.
>
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