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We are a community. Nothing better than that, Bill! On Tue, Aug 28, 2018, 11:08 PM Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote: > Many thanks, Sheila and Jill. Sometimes new eyes see what these eyes should > see or only see much later. > > Bill > > On Wed, 29 Aug 2018 at 11:45 am, Jill Jones <[log in to unmask]> wrote: > > > Hi Bill, > > Like this a lot. And I agree with yr poet friend, and Sheila. This > > version keeps to the point sharply. > > Eight lines is a good length for a poem like this. > > > > Cheers,Jill > > ________________________ > > Jill Jones > > www.jilljones.com.au > > > > Latest book: Brink, Five Islands Press > > http://fiveislandspress.com/catalogue/brink-jill-jones > > > > ----- Original Message ----- > > From: "Poetryetc: poetry and poetics" > > To: > > Cc: > > Sent:Wed, 29 Aug 2018 08:41:41 +1000 > > Subject:Sleep > > > > Sleep > > > > As a clogged fire smoulders > > > > wrestling with its latency > > > > until from somewhere, > > > > kindle catches > > > > and flame is born > > > > so the transition > > > > from restlessness > > > > to the blaze of sleep > > > > bw > > > > I had two more lines at the end: > > > > and soon > > > > the lawless cinema of dreams > > > > but a local poet friend, Ross Gillett, to whom I showed this, > > suggested > > truncating it to just eight lines as above. Any thoughts, > > poetryetcers? > > > > Bill > > > > ######################################################################## > > > > To unsubscribe from the POETRYETC list, click the following link: > > https://www.jiscmail.ac.uk/cgi-bin/webadmin?SUBED1=POETRYETC&A=1 > > > > > > ######################################################################## > > > > To unsubscribe from the POETRYETC list, click the following link: > > https://www.jiscmail.ac.uk/cgi-bin/webadmin?SUBED1=POETRYETC&A=1 > > > > ######################################################################## > > To unsubscribe from the POETRYETC list, click the following link: > https://www.jiscmail.ac.uk/cgi-bin/webadmin?SUBED1=POETRYETC&A=1 > ######################################################################## To unsubscribe from the POETRYETC list, click the following link: https://www.jiscmail.ac.uk/cgi-bin/webadmin?SUBED1=POETRYETC&A=1