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Hi Doug, Many thanks. And also for that very good suggestion which I'll follow. Best, Jill ________________________ Jill Jones www.jilljones.com.au Latest book: Brink, Five Islands Press http://fiveislandspress.com/catalogue/brink-jill-jones ----- Original Message ----- From: "Poetryetc: poetry and poetics" To: Cc: Sent:Wed, 14 Mar 2018 08:42:25 -0600 Subject:Re: Night Walking Snap I like this a lot, Jill, the loss seeming to thread ever aspect. One small suggestion: because ‘seems’ well seems to be the active aspect of the remembering in the poem, perhaps you dont need that ‘was’ in the first line? I hear ‘How strange last night, I beheld your face, electric’ as sounding sharper, leading in…? What then follows as felt in memory is finely tuned, indeed. Doug > On Mar 14, 2018, at 2:22 AM, Jill Jones wrote: > > > > THE UN-MARVELLING > > > > > > How strange was last night, I beheld your face, electric > > with thought along with my unrest, alight and hollow > > when the night trees shivered and the block > > we walked seemed more cluttered than the road > > we used to walk, where every little plot > > and fence was tended, maybe we were too narrow > > maybe we lost our hunger then to care or look > > to stare at stars, to forget the way we marvelled > > how their brightness could also seem soft > > and how the moonlight would seem to strain > > through the canopy no matter how intense or thick > > how this strange loveliness may never come again > > how I wanted something - something I never quite got > > ________________________ > Jill Jones > www.jilljonescom.au > > Latest book: Brink, Five Islands Press > http://fiveislandspress.com/catalogue/brink-jill-jones > > Douglas Barbour [log in to unmask] https://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/ Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuations 2 (UofAPress). Recording Dates (Rubicon Press). Listen If (UofAPress): the way of what fell the lies like the petals falling drop delicately Phyllis Webb