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Yes Caleb. Hits the mark! -Peter C. On 10/25/06, Jennifer Compton <[log in to unmask]> wrote: > > poetics! excellent! > > ----Original Message Follows---- > From: kasper salonen <[log in to unmask]> > Reply-To: Poetryetc provides a venue for a dialogue relating to poetry and > poetics <[log in to unmask]> > To: [log in to unmask] > Subject: Re: Snap - 25/10 > Date: Wed, 25 Oct 2006 17:03:34 +0300 > > Caleb. I'm speechless. > no, not really. ;) > > this is the way rhyming should be done. I rarely rhyme; not because I'm > unable, I think it's more a sort of trauma left over from the classicist > drivel that's considered the best of the best, where endrhymes are a > matter > of propriety & schematic. but this is precisely how I'd want to bring > about > an eased & controlled tone through endrhyme: it's a combination, as it > always is, of the rhythm & the imagery, which are really the meat of any > rhyme scheme. the scheme is just a frame (which I think is the reason I > can't stand a lot of 1800s english poetry; there's little meat, just frame > upon frame, custom upon custom). > > what Imagery is to me is the combination of the image & of the language > itself; ok imagery might evoke an original image, but be unremarkable to > the > point of being noticably so. GREAT imagery melds the two ingredients, > exactly as you've done here. "the wagtail builds a cup of mud" is pretty > much a flawless line. the almost imperceptible iambic tetrameter; the > specificity of 'wagtail' instead of 'bird'; the poetic personification in > the wagtail 'building' something; the assonance in 'cup of mud', and the > mildly folkloric decadence in the very concept of a cup made of mud (or of > mud being in the shape of a cup). these are all compressed beautifully > into > a minimalistic & aurally pleasing line. > 'loveless dam' also catches the eye especially. > > there are gems all throughout: "The spider spins her broody sac", "hanging > in the sun to harden", the whole last stanza. > > in terms of theme, this is also startling & poignant. > the wagtail builds a nest it defends, which seems 'honourable' (as far as > animals can have honour) but is really dysfunctional & joyless. > 'swordstrokes' gives the impression of finesse, but I envision the wagtail > as frantic; it's only a small mention, not worth looking into necessarily > because the stanza works so well. > the spider, having snared victims all day, becomes herself a victim. > the duck is the only one that seems innocent in a way, she acts in good > faith and with good intention; but her lack of understanding ends in > tragedy. > > these can all be traced as archetypes of PEOPLE, which is where the 'Life > lesson' comes in; these are warnings. > I love nature poetry, and one reason is that, to self-centered humans, all > our actions & inactions are mirrored in the animal & plant kingdoms; it > makes for some powerful metaphorising. the other reason is that nature, > ITSELF, is worthy of attention & pause & dramatising & minimising, and > everything else that poetry can afford it. > > wonderful work Caleb. > > KS > >