If we want to play this "you know/you don't know game" well, you ARE a
parent of, but you ARE NOT your disabled daughter. You, don't I suppose,
feel her rain, You FEEL YOUR OWN RAIN in relation to/reaction to *your
conception* of her rain, but not, I suppose, her rain, (which is why I find
your own "(Universal) WE (Parents) are all advocates" line troublesome. Be
careful what you are accusing someone of,if you haven't looked in on
And about the social theory, well, theories are just that, theories. They
change (or don't) thought processes and hopefully practical matters. But
having the social model in place likewise doesn't change my spasms and
other various (mis)functions of my own body, or my parents pain, or the guy
who, as I was rolling by today, screamed WHEELCHIAR at the top of his
lungs. It doesn't make the library staff any more courteous and helpful in
retrieving inaccessible books for my dissertation, or students who go, "My
mother doesn't think it's right that my teacher is in a wheelchair (Or
Chinese)" (They usually drop). Not in the short term, at any rate. BUt it
has changed how I've thought about myself, and how some of my students
think about themselves and their family members.
>Judy is absulutely right.
>You may know a lot about being deaf Marian, and about deaf people, you may
>well be the fountainhead of knowledge; but when it comes to other
>disabilities you are just an other voyeur like Laurence (no offence
>Laurence) looking through the window, but not FEELING the rain.
>Have a good weekend, what's left of it.
>From: Judy Singer <[log in to unmask]>
>To: Disability Research <[log in to unmask]>
>Date: 24 July, 1999 23:47
>Subject: Re: parents of (and)
>>Marian, you wrote:
>>> I feel I want to ask the obvious - respite from what? From the
>>> responsibility of 'caring'? From disability? From impairment?
>>What are you asking??? How about respite from being repeatedly
>>dive-bombed by an obsessive, peseverative, highly strung, hair-trigger
>>sensitive, empathy-less when stressed, illogical, mind-numbingly boring
>>and repetitive, chaos-making, labour intensive, screechy voiced
>>demanding little person who never sleeps???-
>>And I hope I can say this without anyone jumping to any conclusions
>>about my relationship with my child, based on a good century of Freudian
>>inspired parent-blaming -
>>If you or Laurence have any concrete ideas on how "society" or "social
>>services" can improve this situation, I'd love to know.
>>And can you explain what you mean by respite versus support - what is
>>this "respite" or "support" supposed to look like?
>>I fully expect everyone to be up in arms, but I think that's because
>>when disability theorists talk about the universal category of
>>disability, what they're really thinking about is perfectly nice,
>>rational people with physical impairments, and several University
>>degrees just like themselves - Mairian, when you talk about disability,
>>you seem to be talking about the deaf, but what is your understanding of
>>the lived experience of people with intellectual/ communicative/
>>neurological disorders and their families?
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