What a coincidence, a friend sent me this stuff just after the recent posts
re humour, hope it raises a smile,
Matt
> The following quotes were taken from actual
> medical records as dictated by physicians...
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had
> stopped, and he was feeling better.
>
> Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left
> side for over a year.
>
> On the second day the knee was better and on the
> third day it had completely disappeared.
>
> She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her
> husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
>
> The patient has been depressed ever since she
> began seeing me in 1983
>
> Patient was released to outpatient department
> without dressing.
>
> I have suggested that he loosen his pants before
> standing, and then, when he stands with the help
> of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
>
> The patient is tearful and crying constantly.
> She also appears to be depressed.
>
> Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
>
> The patient will need disposition, and therefore
> we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
>
> Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male,
> mentally alert but forgetful.
>
> The patient refused an autopsy.
>
> The patient has no past history of suicides.
>
> The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
>
> Patient has left his white blood cells at
> another hospital.
>
> The patient's past medical history has been
> remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound
> weight gain in the past three days.
>
> She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs
> went in separate directions in early December.
>
> The patient experienced sudden onset of severe
> shortness of breath with a picture of acute
> pulmonary edema at home while having sex which
> gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
>
> The patient had waffles for breakfast and
> anorexia for lunch.
>
> Between you and me, we ought to be able to get
> this lady pregnant.
>
> The patient was in his usual state of good
> health until his airplane ran out of gas and
> crashed.
>
> Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I
> thought you would like to work her up.
>
> She is numb from her toes down.
>
> While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and
> sent home.
>
> The skin was moist and dry.
>
> Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
>
> Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.
>
> Patient was alert and unresponsive.
>
> When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the
> room.
*************************
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
|