A bit obvious, but you might find this mildly amusing (or
frightening...)
Joe
------- Forwarded Message Follows -------
Date: Tue, 4 Nov 1997 10:24:52 -0800 (PST)
To: [log in to unmask]
From: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Fwd: Microsoft To Buy U. S. Government
Of interest from another list...
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Hi to all,
This kind of sets one's mind to wandering. Do you think Bill Gates
would collect the economic rental value of the U.S. ?
Cheers!
Drew Harris
REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 29, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations made
by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it
will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America
for an undisclosed sum. "It's actually a logical extension of our planned
growth", said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, "It really is going to be a
positive arrangement for everyone". Microsoft representatives held a
briefing in the oval office of the White House with U.S. President Bill
Clinton, and assured members of the press that changes will be "minimal".
The United States will be managed as a wholly owned division of Microsoft.
An initial public offering is planned for July of next year, and the
federal government is expected to be profitable by "Q4 1999 at latest",
according to Microsoft president Steve Ballmer. In a related announcement,
Bill Clinton stated that he had "willingly and enthusiastically" accepted
a position as a vice president with Microsoft, and will continue to manage
the United States government, reporting directly to Bill Gates. When asked
how it felt to give up the mantle of executive authority to Gates, Clinton
smiled and referred to it as "a relief". He went on to say that Gates has
a "proven track record", and that U.S. citizens should offer Gates their
"full support and confidence". Clinton will reportedly be earning several
times the $200,000 annually he has earned as U.S. president, in his new
role at Microsoft. Gates dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be
moved to Redmond as "silly", though did say that he would make executive
decisions for the U.S. government from his existing office at Microsoft
headquarters. Gates went on to say that the House and Senate would "of
course" be abolished. "Microsoft isn't a democracy", he observed, "and
look how well we're doing".
When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was proceeding,
Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions are taking place". Microsoft
representatives closed the conference by stating that United States
citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, increases in government
services and discounts on all Microsoft products.
About Microsoft
---------------
Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the worldwide leader in
software for personal computers, and democratic government. The company
offers a wide range of products and services for public, business and
personal use, each designed with the mission of making it easier and more
enjoyable for people to take advantage of the full power of personal
computing and free society every day.
About the United States
-----------------------
Founded in 1789, the United States of America is the most successful
nation in the history of the world, and has been a beacon of democracy and
opportunity for over 200 years. Headquartered in Washington, D.C., the
United States is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft Corporation.
Drew L. Harris, Ph.D.
Fairleigh Dickinson University
College of Business Administration
1000 River Road, H323D
Teaneck, NJ 07666
(201) 692-7230
(201) 692-7219 (Fax)
--
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Joe Painter, Lecturer in Geography
Department of Geography, University of Durham
Sciences Site, South Road, DURHAM, DH1 3LE, U.K.
E-Mail: [log in to unmask]
Fax: 0191 374 2456 (domestic) +44 191 374 2456 (international)
Tel: 0191 374 7306 (domestic) +44 191 374 7306 (international)
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