Thanks, Doug. Keys seem such analogue throwbacks in a digitalised world.
I have come up with two final stanzas, Sheila. See if they pass your muster.
Ever alert
for readmission
withdrawn keys
unwhistle unspent
Bill
On Thu, 13 Jun 2019 at 1:58 am, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]>
wrote:
> You got some good advice here, Bill; & that’s a ‘tell’ that the first few
> stanzas were a way in to the poem you were after, which is sharper for
> being just itself. It ws needed, but, having done its job, can be let go.
> Intriguing to write about keys this way as we move toward a keyless
> (digitized) world.
>
> Doug
>
> > On Jun 12, 2019, at 2:54 AM, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
> >
> > Many thanks, Sheila and Millicent and glad to have sparked a chortle in
> > you, Patrick.
> >
> > I am happy to drop the opening stanzas - which were a way in for me - and
> > the final stanza may have to just go too - it’s more a wordplay, which is
> > not really the tone. I considered:
> >
> > Keys admit
> > but never confess
> >
> > but see now that this is too much telling.
> >
> > Bill
> >
> > On Wed, 12 Jun 2019 at 6:47 pm, Millicent Borges Accardi <
> > [log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >
> >> I especially like the build up of this
> >> Emerging from pockets
> >>>
> >>> keys advance on locks
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Locks make walls
> >>>
> >>> of doors and windows
> >> Was kind of prepped (anticipating?) ready to read. . .
> >> and windows /.. . .
> >> Like in a sequence. If that makes sense? But I like the line changes
> you
> >> made Sheila!
> >> Mill
> >>
> >> -----Original Message-----
> >> From: Sheila Murphy <[log in to unmask]>
> >> To: POETRYETC <[log in to unmask]>
> >> Sent: Tue, Jun 11, 2019 9:31 pm
> >> Subject: Re: Keys
> >>
> >> Bill,
> >>
> >> This is an intriguing piece, and it goes to a fundamental reality and
> >> pattern many engage in quite unconsciously without recognizing what is
> >> going on.
> >>
> >> Permit me to offer an alternative approach using your own lines and see
> how
> >> you think of this. You'll note that what I'm after is no explanation,
> just
> >> showing and allowing what you show to be powerful. Not sure about the
> >> ending.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> Emerging from pockets
> >>>
> >>> keys advance on locks
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Locks make walls
> >>>
> >>> of doors and windows
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Firm male metal slides
> >>>
> >>> into the receptive latch
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> fills the aperture
> >>>
> >>> penetrates the wall
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> with a permissive click
> >>>
> >>> enabling wider openings
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> [ENDING NOT SURE ABOUT]
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>>
> >>> bw
>
> Douglas Barbour
> [log in to unmask]
> https://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
>
> Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuations
> 2 (UofAPress).
> Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
> Listen. If (UofAPress):
>
>
> Historical imagination gathers in the missing
>
> Susan Howe
>
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