Many thanks, Sheila and Millicent and glad to have sparked a chortle in
you, Patrick.
I am happy to drop the opening stanzas - which were a way in for me - and
the final stanza may have to just go too - it’s more a wordplay, which is
not really the tone. I considered:
Keys admit
but never confess
but see now that this is too much telling.
Bill
On Wed, 12 Jun 2019 at 6:47 pm, Millicent Borges Accardi <
[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> I especially like the build up of this
> Emerging from pockets
> >
> > keys advance on locks
> >
> >
> > Locks make walls
> >
> > of doors and windows
> Was kind of prepped (anticipating?) ready to read. . .
> and windows /.. . .
> Like in a sequence. If that makes sense? But I like the line changes you
> made Sheila!
> Mill
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Sheila Murphy <[log in to unmask]>
> To: POETRYETC <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Tue, Jun 11, 2019 9:31 pm
> Subject: Re: Keys
>
> Bill,
>
> This is an intriguing piece, and it goes to a fundamental reality and
> pattern many engage in quite unconsciously without recognizing what is
> going on.
>
> Permit me to offer an alternative approach using your own lines and see how
> you think of this. You'll note that what I'm after is no explanation, just
> showing and allowing what you show to be powerful. Not sure about the
> ending.
>
>
>
> Emerging from pockets
> >
> > keys advance on locks
> >
> >
> > Locks make walls
> >
> > of doors and windows
> >
> >
> > Firm male metal slides
> >
> > into the receptive latch
> >
> >
> > fills the aperture
> >
> > penetrates the wall
> >
> >
> > with a permissive click
> >
> > enabling wider openings
> >
> >
> > [ENDING NOT SURE ABOUT]
>
>
>
>
> >
> > bw
> >
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