Jill, this is wonderful, especially the first four stanzas. I feel all the
stretching and clinging and draping and I’m particularly taken with that
surprising simile linking footsteps with unprayer.
Agree with Doug about ‘there are’, although you could make a case that it
slows it down a bit and perhaps gives that sight a sort of ‘pregnancy’,
leading to the final line where happening is imminent. This picks up
Patrick, with the Bradbury feel. I can see this. There is a sense of
something going down here or about to go down.
Bill
On Thu, 20 Dec 2018 at 3:37 am, Patrick McManus <
[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> sort of magical moment -honeyeaters are they birds? makes me think of
> the atmosphere of early Ray Bradbury
>
> On 19/12/2018 13:07, Jill Jones wrote:
> >
> > Paths
> >
> > Early afternoon stretches along the street.
> >
> > Honeyeaters cling onto wires.
> >
> >
> >
> > My footsteps are buried in the pavement
> >
> > like a prayer that never surfaces.
> >
> >
> >
> > The light within light contracts and travels.
> >
> > Half-remembered cadences roll over a fence.
> >
> >
> >
> > The hour seems to drape.
> >
> > Trees invent shadow.
> >
> >
> >
> > A jet’s underside pushes into the west.
> >
> > Nearby there are birds that will soon fly north.
> >
> >
> >
> > Concrete slowly flakes
> >
> > as if it’s also going somewhere.
> >
> > ___________________________________________Jill Jones
> >
> >
> >
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