Many thanks. And also for that very good suggestion which I'll follow.
Latest book: Brink, Five Islands Press
----- Original Message -----
From: "Poetryetc: poetry and poetics"
Sent:Wed, 14 Mar 2018 08:42:25 -0600
Subject:Re: Night Walking Snap
I like this a lot, Jill, the loss seeming to thread ever aspect.
One small suggestion: because ‘seems’ well seems to be the active
aspect of the remembering in the poem, perhaps you dont need that
‘was’ in the first line? I hear ‘How strange last night, I
beheld your face, electric’ as sounding sharper, leading in…?
What then follows as felt in memory is finely tuned, indeed.
> On Mar 14, 2018, at 2:22 AM, Jill Jones wrote:
> THE UN-MARVELLING
> How strange was last night, I beheld your face, electric
> with thought along with my unrest, alight and hollow
> when the night trees shivered and the block
> we walked seemed more cluttered than the road
> we used to walk, where every little plot
> and fence was tended, maybe we were too narrow
> maybe we lost our hunger then to care or look
> to stare at stars, to forget the way we marvelled
> how their brightness could also seem soft
> and how the moonlight would seem to strain
> through the canopy no matter how intense or thick
> how this strange loveliness may never come again
> how I wanted something - something I never quite got
> Jill Jones
> Latest book: Brink, Five Islands Press
[log in to unmask]
Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations &
Continuations 2 (UofAPress).
Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
Listen If (UofAPress):
the way of what fell
like the petals