Yes. Take that word out and the whole falls much flatter, regardless of the
damage done rhythmically. Take out "delicate" and "deliquescent" seems
quite off, wrong.... but the two together is apt and impressive. At the
same time the sound play is fine
best
L
On 29 March 2017 at 22:00, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Doug, this is beautiful, an instant favourite for me of all your poems I
> have read, not least for your use of deliquescent, a new (to me) and
> utterly appropriate word here.
>
> Bill
>
> On Thu, 30 Mar 2017 at 4:50 am, Patrick McManus <
> [log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> > Doug thanks yes we have lost our dark
> >
> >
> > On 29/03/2017 18:01, Douglas Barbour wrote:
> > > in the cities late at night
> > > the darkness
> > > never fully arrives
> > >
> > > a complicit light reaches
> > > into every yard stretches
> > > along the streets
> > >
> > > at some point snow
> > > a spattered curtain
> > > adds even more bright
> > >
> > > to the always held at bay
> > > dark & slowly
> > > begins to outline branches
> > >
> > > a delicate & deliquescent
> > > etching emerging
> > > to be lost by morning
> > >
> > > Douglas Barbour
> > > [log in to unmask]
> > > https://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
> > >
> > > Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations &
> > Continuations 2 (UofAPress).
> > > Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
> > > Listen. If (UofAPress):
> > >
> > >
> > > and as you read
> > > the sea is turning its dark pages
> > > turning
> > > its dark pages.
> > >
> > > Denise Levertov
> >
>
|