seconded. ie, Andrew’s choice.
I do stumble over ‘shore break’ so early in the poem.
and maybe ‘shooting’ suggests ongoing fast movement.
There does develop a satisfying beachscape…
Max
On Feb 2, 2016, at 16:10, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Yes, like the alternative better. That's my vote.
>
> Andrew
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> On 3 February 2016 at 10:03, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>> She sits skewiff,
>> one leg shooting
>> out to shore break,
>> the other splayed
>> sandwards.
>>
>> Played-out waves
>> encircle her,
>> an island of slump,
>> around which
>> beach strollers divert.
>>
>> They can see
>> she's there for
>> the duration.
>> Her firstborn splashes
>> in nearby shallows.
>>
>> Loose top semi-soaked,
>> arms trawling wet
>> sand runnels, facing
>> sun full-on, she
>> radiates surrender.
>>
>> bw
>>
>> Just wondering, is 'around which' a shocker?
>>
>> Could be:
>>
>> Played-out waves
>> encircle her,
>> an island
>> of slump.
>> Beach strollers divert.
>>
>> Thoughts?
>>
>> Bill
>>
>
>
>
> --
> Andrew
> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
> Books available through Walleah Press
> http://walleahpress.com.au
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