Like the title, L and the opening line. 'clatter' seems too heavy a verb, when it arrives, but I like the notion of tears melting and being nothing but distractions to a pebbled floor. Not sure of the couplet in the middle but I like also the final stanza and wonder whether you could open with this, so the shimmering, disappearing text becomes the cause of the tears?
Bill
> On 2 Sep 2015, at 3:46 am, Lawrence Upton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> Shaped mist forms a rip in curtaining
>
> eyes tear, falling, drip,
> clatter, pebbles floored,
> and melt – small distractions.
>
> Light scrips turn through the cavity,
> partially notative, steadying rates.
>
> Air thickens
> text shimmers
> before disappearing.
>
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