to put the rose
in water
take off the last leaves
throw its growing arms
away
make the rose fit
our scheme of
things
~
Much more betterer! Thanks all who responded (and those who simply read it
and moved on in disgust :-) )
It may cover one request for a nature poem recently unfulfilled - that'd be
great. So thanks again.
Andrew
On 27 August 2015 at 07:51, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Like it, Andrew. Agree with L and D that is sharper without the final two
> stanzas. L's suggestion to finish with 'rhythm' works for me. 'jazz' alone
> introduces a different tone - depends what you're after; it's certainly a
> bit 'wild'.
>
> The clouds of doubt stuff might suit another poem.
>
> Bill
>
> > On 26 Aug 2015, at 11:30 pm, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >
> > to put the rose
> > in water
> > take off the last leaves
> >
> > throw its growing arms
> > arms
> >
> > make the rose fit
> > our scheme of
> > things
> >
> > *
> >
> > give old doubt
> > the chuck-out
> > get into your own
> > jazz rhythm
> >
> > rhythm-a-ling
> > ring-a-ring
> > a rosey
> >
> > when you
> > are coming out
> > of clouds of doubt
> > you want to shout
> > and play - okay,
> > that is it day
> > the end of play
> >
> > ~
> >
> > Just a page from a scrappy notebook, trying to get something going.
> >
>
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