Thanks, Pat. You keep me on my toes.
Bill
On 23/07/2015, at 7:14 PM, Patrick McManus wrote:
> What team work!!! Well done Bill and it works better (imho!) p drifting
> prosaically
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
> Behalf Of Bill Wootton
> Sent: 23 July 2015 09:56
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: Drifters
>
> Great idea, Jill. Thank you. I can see how moving 'into poetry' to the end
> would justify use of the delay-inducing sets of parentheses. And the
> 'uncanny' bit kind of doubles up the line about 'perception inverters
> doesn't it. My test with brackets is to read it through without the brackets
> and see if that works. So I have fiddled a bit again now and cut.
> Transformations and propulsions have bitten the dust to allow 'drift' to
> have its head.
>
> So, see Pat, all this advice has helped. I think so anyway. Thanks too,
> Millicent, Doug, Max, Andrew.
>
> Here is my 'worked' final version.
>
> drift
>
> Can words drift,
> (beginning prosaically,
> informatively, looking
> for all the world,
> to be workmanlike,
> jobbing sentence components)
> right beneath your eyes,
> and before you're aware,
> (through dint of odd
> placement
> or line
> turn)
> into mood-changers,
> joy-inspirers,
> perception-inverters,
> into poetry?
>
> bw
> 23 .7.15
>
>
>> On 23 Jul 2015, at 12:20 pm, Jill Jones <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>
>> Hi Bill,
>>
>> I like the brackets. Punctuation is there to be worked with (and around,
> at times). I get how this is working with. Just a thought - and it's simply
> a thought. To move 'into poetry' to the very end and do without 'into the
> uncanny'.
>>
>> Cheers,
>> Jill
>>
>>
>>> On 22/07/2015, at 7:29 AM, Bill Wootton wrote:
>>>
>>> Drifters
>>>
>>> First drift
>>>
>>> Can words drift
>>> into poetry,
>>> (begin prosaically,
>>> informatively, looking
>>> for all the world at first,
>>> like workmanlike,
>>> jobbing sentence components)
>>> and then,
>>> (right under your eyes as it were,
>>> before you're aware)
>>> transform
>>> through dent of odd
>>> placement
>>> or line
>>> turn,
>>> into thought-provocative
>>> perception-inverters,
>>> mood-changers,
>>> joy inspirers,
>>> propellers
>>> into the
>>> uncanny?
>>>
>>>
>>> Second drift
>>>
>>> Can words drift into poetry?
>>> Beginning prosaically,
>>> informatively, looking
>>> for all the world,
>>> to be workmanlike,
>>> jobbing sentence components,
>>> then right beneath your eyes,
>>> as it were,
>>> before you're aware,
>>> transforming,
>>> through dent of odd
>>> placement
>>> or line
>>> turn,
>>> into mood-changers,
>>> joy-inspirers,
>>> perception-inverters,
>>> propellers
>>> into uncanny mind zones?
>>>
>>> bw
>>> 22 .7.15
>>>
>>> Preferences, other ideas, people of the poetryetc?
>>
>
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