Well, I’m going to break that consensus up. I felt these commas as both little stutter steps,& also a way of putting the phrases in a kind of suspension, a bit deeper or back from…
All part of the rhythm of the whole piece, I felt…
Doug
On Apr 24, 2015, at 8:39 AM, Sheila Murphy <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Thanks, Andrew, we're starting to find consensus. :)
>
> Sheila
>
> On Fri, Apr 24, 2015 at 1:10 AM, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>> Like, but am also an anti-brackets person :-)
>>
>> Andrew
>>
>> On 24 April 2015 at 03:22, Sheila Murphy <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>
>>> Thanks, Patrick. Good ideas. You join another reader of mine who gets
>> after
>>> me re: those brackets. I think I might be wise to listen to what you say.
>>> Will inspect this little item and take this seriously!
>>> Thank you!
>>>
>>> On Thu, Apr 23, 2015 at 10:01 AM, Patrick McManus <
>>> [log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>>
>>>> Enjoyed this last verse seems not fitting??different? or perhaps leave
>>> out
>>>> 'stacked' what's with the brackets??cheers old P
>>>>
>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>> From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
>> On
>>>> Behalf Of Sheila Murphy
>>>> Sent: 23 April 2015 07:18
>>>> To: [log in to unmask]
>>>> Subject: Tire Swing (Wing)
>>>>
>>>> Alongside (stride
>>>> rest softens
>>>> to the west
>>>> things matter
>>>>
>>>> openly away
>>>> (stray fast
>>>> to hinge upon
>>>> (and sing away
>>>>
>>>> the sting of fast
>>>> asleep (the tension
>>>> falters last
>>>> before awake time
>>>>
>>>> gravity comes
>>>> framed with
>>>> fracas stacked unevenly
>>>> against (the odds
>>>>
>>>> Sheila E. Murphy
>>>>
>>>
>>
>>
>>
>> --
>> Andrew
>> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
>> 'Undercover of Lightness'
>> http://walleahpress.com.au/recent-publications.html
>> 'Shikibu Shuffle'
>>
>> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/new-from-aboveground-press-shikibu.html
>>
Douglas Barbour
[log in to unmask]
Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuation 2 (UofAPress).
Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
There is no life that does not rise
melodic from scales of the marvelous.
To which our grief refers.
Robert Duncan.
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