Nicely contradictory, & aware of it, right there where…
On Jan 14, 2015, at 4:35 AM, Lawrence Upton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> It is one thing, but not one thing alone,
> to say "I am a Christian", believing it;
> and another to know precisely what it means.
> A man who is thought wise beyond his years,
> a numerate analyst, queries the counting;
> suggests the deity must grow three heads.
> "Three wives? No wives?! How dull. His son's mother -
> she died?" No. Yes. "She stayed a virgin?
> This three part male - he cannot get it up?"
> An armed princeling demands "You eat your God?
> I think perhaps the mistress might be ours.
> She to whom we do homage. Powerful
> she is. Very powerful." It is one thing
> but not one thing entire to love a God
> so jealous he denies all others life,
> condemning them as devil. So one's taught.
> Not that I've ever heard him speak aloud;
> and there are bits dropped out or covered up
> in my credo. I believe in my fear
> and in my desire; and in my yearning wish
> to be protected from malice, vengeance
> and capriciousness. I would rather not have
> any of the heard truths, staying ignorant,
> keeping each interested entity appeased,
> knowing I would have been most happy gardening
> where all one does improves without decay.
> Even the dismal fields beneath the soil -
> Why else do worms resist the pecking birds? -
> would best the stale torment of contradiction.
> Let God have his churches, conquests and many words.
> I would be friends with all, but I am followed
> everywhere by fire which becomes bread and spirit --
> which twists into descending blaze. Dear God,
> let me worship that which threatens. Have faith.
> I cannot separate belief from real danger.
> I do not think I have ever fallen
> except when sick or drunk. Let me survive.
> Please give your welcome; but do not save me
> and I'll attest whatever you demand;
> but leave me space and time for other strengths
> and for somewhere alone with my world empty.
> [Elidius is one of the names of one who may have lived at some time
> after the Roman period on Scilly, or, as it then seems to have been
> called, Ennor. There is no evidence of him apart from the earlier name
> of St Helen's island, where it is said he may have been buried, Insula
> Sancti Elidii. His feast day is 8th August. Until now he has had no
> hagiographer. ]
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Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuation 2 (UofAPress).
Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
that we are only
as we find out we are