Thanks, everyone. Actually put it together in my head while driving across our river valley. Only discovered the syllables later, & so could drop the ‘the’ though I liked its repetition in the line…
Yeah: first line cliché but as it was…
Anyway, as seen…
Doug
On Nov 20, 2014, at 4:42 AM, Patrick McManus <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Thanks Doug for me the cliché of the early morning sun -is set off well in
> the next two lines (but what do I know!!)
> Earlyish morning sun here -but getting nippyer!
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
> Behalf Of Bill Wootton
> Sent: 20 November 2014 04:55
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: haikusnap
>
> Either way, Doug, the glisten is got.
>
> Bill
>
>
>> On 20 Nov 2014, at 2:14 pm, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>
>> Chuck the 'the' out. No need to be a slave to the count.
>>
>> Andrew
>>
>>> On 20 November 2014 10:32, Sheila Murphy <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>>
>>> Lovely, Doug. I feel it, even hear the visual.
>>>
>>> On Wed, Nov 19, 2014 at 4:26 PM, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]>
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>>> early morning sun
>>>> whiter shading against blue
>>>> the thin trees glisten
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Douglas Barbour
>>>> [log in to unmask]
>>>>
>>>> Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuation
>>> 2
>>>> (UofAPress).
>>>> Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
>>>>
>>>> that we are only
>>>> as we find out we are
>>>>
>>>> Charles Olson
>>
>>
>>
>> --
>> Andrew
>> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
>> 'Undercover of Lightness'
>> http://walleahpress.com.au/recent-publications.html
>> 'Shikibu Shuffle'
>>
> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/new-from-aboveground-press-s
> hikibu.html
>>
>
Douglas Barbour
[log in to unmask]
Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuation 2 (UofAPress).
Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
that we are only
as we find out we are
Charles Olson
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