It's been a damn fine suggestion, Doug. It's given me compression.
Bill
> On 16 Nov 2013, at 3:12 am, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> Well, it's always only a suggestion, but I admit I made it to 3 young poets during a series of editing sessions yesterday...
>
> And Lawrence thought about it & decided he needed it & that's fine. I am happy to have people make suggestions; then, as always, a writer can say (or write) stet....
>
> Doug
>> On Nov 14, 2013, at 4:24 AM, Lawrence Upton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>
>> Ha! I don't know about falling foul; but I do know of his preferences.
>>
>> L
>>
>>
>>> On 13 November 2013 21:46, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>>
>>> If you want to fall foul of Doug, L, you'll is, you'll are. Can be
>>> liberating, eventually, but it didn't come naturally to me either.
>>>
>>> B
>>>
>>>>> On 14 Nov 2013, at 5:03 am, Lawrence Upton <[log in to unmask]>
>>>> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> well i didnt mean too have anyone there but if you feel his her presence
>>>> they may be there
>>>>
>>>> i'll have a look - thanks for that
>>>>
>>>> i almost certainly need my isses and ares!
>>>>
>>>> Thanks, Doug
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>> On 13 November 2013 17:59, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]>
>>> wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>> I just felt it did, as if it became an address to someone in the final
>>>>> stanza, an apostrophe, & had not been that before.
>>>>>
>>>>> And I wondered if you needed all the 'is's & 'are's in st 1...
>>>>>
>>>>> Doug
>>>>> On Nov 13, 2013, at 10:53 AM, Lawrence Upton <[log in to unmask]>
>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>>> I'll certainly think on that. I agree there's a change but I am not
>>> sure
>>>>>> what you mean by the shift from one to you; so I am not sure what it is
>>>>> I'd
>>>>>> be editing out. (I'd be quite capable at that point of writing "looking
>>>>>> closer, one sees..." & it's nufffin to do with her maj. you know
>>>>>>
>>>>>> anyway, i shall look again at it. i found it in my domestics file this
>>>>>> morning where it slipped when i wrote it some months ago and has evaded
>>>>>> attention
>>>>>>
>>>>>> best
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>
>>>>>>> On 13 November 2013 17:40, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]>
>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> I like it, perhaps because it too seems so formal(ized)?
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> But the address seems different in the final stanza, Lawrence, a shift
>>>>>>> from 'one' to 'you' implied, but I'm not sure how or why. There's a
>>>>> stasis
>>>>>>> of the 'is' in the first 2, & I wonder if you can edit a bit of that
>>>>> out?
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Doug
>>>>>>> On Nov 13, 2013, at 5:09 AM, Lawrence Upton <[log in to unmask]>
>>>>>>> wrote:
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Facets of this river are boxed away
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> and rarely seen but as humdrum imagery.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> It is decoration that is wanted,
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> released as what is seen as cool;
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> and so one stands near the fountain, to stare
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> over a field of pools, in profusion,
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> quietly wondering why it has been set here,
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> pleased nevertheless for certain calm.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Yet, now look closer and regard them well:
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> watch how lines are drawn momentarily
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> by and into water itself, a mode of dance,
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> constructing space and edges within it,
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> without ever stacking what it collects
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> to distort or divert the visible meaning.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Douglas Barbour
>>>>>>> [log in to unmask]
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
>>>>>>> http://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Latest books:
>>>>>>> Continuations & Continuations 2 (with Sheila E Murphy)
>>>>>>> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=962
>>>>>>> Recording Dates
>>>>>>> (Rubicon Press)
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Art is always the replacing of indifference by attention.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Guy Davenport
>>>>>
>>>>> Douglas Barbour
>>>>> [log in to unmask]
>>>>>
>>>>> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
>>>>> http://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
>>>>>
>>>>> Latest books:
>>>>> Continuations & Continuations 2 (with Sheila E Murphy)
>>>>> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=962
>>>>> Recording Dates
>>>>> (Rubicon Press)
>>>>>
>>>>> Art is always the replacing of indifference by attention.
>>>>>
>>>>> Guy Davenport
>
> Douglas Barbour
> [log in to unmask]
>
> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
> http://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
>
> Latest books:
> Continuations & Continuations 2 (with Sheila E Murphy)
> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=962
> Recording Dates
> (Rubicon Press)
>
> Art is always the replacing of indifference by attention.
>
> Guy Davenport
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
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