Yeh, remove the brackets, Max. The slack you see allows you to energise in some ways.
Bill
On 26/06/2013, at 4:24 PM, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Like all except the brackets, Max. Try it without them - it flows nicely.
> But there again, I'm a little against brackets in general. What do others
> think? Andrew (three hours out of Melbourne)
>
>
> On 26 June 2013 13:03, Max Richards <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>> When you get back,
>> Melbourne seems slack,
>>
>> quiet, small, slow,
>> no get-up-and-go.
>>
>> Just as well -
>> three weeks in Seoul,
>>
>> and its city smog
>> was in my lungs -
>>
>> our winter fog
>> only hangs
>>
>> here till noon.
>> Then crisp sun
>>
>> shines through clear air
>> and I'm glad to be here
>>
>> rather than in Korea
>> when the monsoon
>>
>> is coming on
>> and umbrellas
>>
>> (against showers)
>> replace parasols
>>
>> (against sudden swoon-
>> ing at the sunstroke of noon).
>
>
>
> --
> Andrew
> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
> 'Undercover of Lightness'
> http://walleahpress.com.au/recent-publications.html
> 'Shikibu Shuffle'
> http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/new-from-aboveground-press-shikibu.html
>
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