I like Sheila's term, top drawer': that describes it. And I like her
suggestions too.
Andrew
On 24 April 2013 11:04, James Cervantes <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Yes!
>
> - Jim
>
>
> On Tue, Apr 23, 2013 at 4:08 PM, Sheila Murphy <[log in to unmask]
> >wrote:
>
> > Sharon, I am very, very taken with your poem. Its effects include firm,
> > first tones, and resonate beyond those.
> >
> > While reading, I was stopped by two places:
> > 1. "I scar easily." - I think that letting go of "They will scar" would
> be
> > fine - leaving "I scar easily."
> > 2 6th line from the end, the word "but" - I would drop it.
> >
> > You didn't ask for advice, but I guess I just felt like offering this.
> The
> > poem is top drawer, so it seemed as though my thoughts might be useful.
> >
> > Thanks for the lovely moments in this!
> >
> > Sheila
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > On Tue, Apr 23, 2013 at 2:43 PM, sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
> >
> > > *
> > >
> > > In the late evening, when I go to close
> > >
> > > the shutters, I see the cold moon
> > >
> > > in the eastern sky. Snow, still,
> > >
> > > in shadowed places.
> > >
> > > My dog is going deaf. The cat,
> > >
> > > startled, leaves bloody slashes
> > >
> > > along my arm. They will scar.
> > >
> > > I scar easily.
> > >
> > > I wrap myself in my house, like
> > >
> > > an old, favored sweater. Well-
> > >
> > > worn, shabby, stained, but
> > >
> > > comfortable. Familiar.
> > >
> > > Shall I think the best of you and so
> > >
> > > be taken for a fool? Or the worst,
> > >
> > > and so be safely cynical,
> > >
> > > sophisticated, shuttered-in.
> > >
> > >
> > > *
> > > --
> > > sharon brogan
> > > http://www.sbpoet.com
> > > http://www.sbpoet.net
> > > http://smallpoems.sbpoet.net
> > > 406.578.1788
> > >
> >
>
>
>
> --
>
> Sleepwalker's Songs: New & Selected Poems.
> http://www.hamiltonstone.org/catalog.html#sleepwalkerssong
>
> http://www.hinchasdepoesia.com/
>
> The Salt River Review: http://www.poetserv.org
>
> https://sites.google.com/site/jamesvcervantes/home
>
> http://www.flickr.com/photos/jamescervantes/
>
--
Andrew
http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
'Undercover of Lightness'
http://walleahpress.com.au/recent-publications.html
'Shikibu Shuffle'
http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/new-from-aboveground-press-shikibu.html
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