Perhaps you are right, Doug. A semi colon may provide better the anticipatory pause needed. But I have used
one in the third line which would make another in the fourth look clunky. Perhaps a full stop to close the third
line.
Pat, no smell and I seem to have led you astray. This is no subway. Watsonia station is an above-ground train
station that lies in what we call a 'cutting', so below surrounding road/land level.
Cheers,
Bill
On Thu, Mar 21st, 2013 at 9:13 AM, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> I like the short drive of it all, but wonder if the first comma in the
> last line is working as you wish it to...
>
> Doug
> On 2013-03-20, at 10:35 AM, Patrick McManus
> <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> > Bill did it smell in the subway?? (or is it only over here??)
> > P
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
> On
> > Behalf Of Bill Wootton
> > Sent: 20 March 2013 15:11
> > To: [log in to unmask]
> > Subject: Watsonia Station snap
> >
> >
> > Ramping off-level down to Watsonia station via
> > concrete returning zigzag lands you on asphalt.
> > Join the jostle, ready for relay to more crowdplay;
> > underneath you are, sub-clay, off-street, car-less.
> >
> > Bill Wootton
> >
>
> Douglas Barbour
> [log in to unmask]
>
> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
> http://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
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> Latest books:
> Continuations & Continuations 2 (with Sheila E Murphy)
> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=962
> Recording Dates
> (Rubicon Press)
>
> Reserved books. Reserved land. Reserved flight.
> And still property is theft.
>
> Phyllis Webb
>
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