Thanks Jill
L
----- Original Message -----
From: "Poetryetc: poetry and poetics"
To:
Cc:
Sent:Thu, 7 Feb 2013 11:16:27 +1030
Subject:Re: snap
Great piece, and I did not mind the line breaks, from the first line,
first few lines, particularly. Did not mind them at all.
J
On 06/02/2013, at 8:39 PM, Lawrence Upton wrote:
>
>
> I'd say why not? Well, I have said it now; but I don't mean it to
> sound rude or aggressive. Genuine question, but could sound
> dismissive.
>
> Of course line breaks have to work. Just breaking lines does not a
> poem make.
>
> Yet I don't think I have done my best with these line breaks. It
*is
> prosy writing, more so than much of mine -- that's working with my
> friend Richard, I think; -- and nowt wrong with that, says you.
(For
> some reason I have a desire to speak like Long John Silver.) And I
> could have done more with the breaks in terms of meaning and
utterance
> not just chopping it into lengths
>
> maybe breaking after "turned" and after "her", for instance. That's
> off the top of my head from memory of what went through my mind and
> was allowed to wander off
>
> In truth, I rushed my writing on this a bit Too many unavoidable
> non-poetry things pushing in on my attention. So I'm grateful for
your
> comment; I'll look at it again. I think it's worth a bit more
effort.
>
> Glad you like it. I have a related one about ducks that you may get
> next week; but this one has more in it -- and I've been thrashing
> around a bit of late in terms of what I have posted here -- again,
> divided attention, either that or early onset... I like to think I
> have been overdoing it rather than not being able to do it
>
> Time'll tell
>
> best
>
> L
>
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Poetryetc: poetry and poetics"
> To:
> Cc:
> Sent:Wed, 6 Feb 2013 19:20:28 +1100
> Subject:Re: snap
>
> Held me start to finish. Why cut it into lines? It would read well
as
> a
> prose poem.
>
> Andrew
>
> On 6 February 2013 17:48, Lawrence Upton wrote:
>
>>
>>
>> Thanks, Sheila. I appreciate that
>>
>> L
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Poetryetc: poetry and poetics"
>> To:
>> Cc:
>> Sent:Tue, 5 Feb 2013 23:34:29 -0700
>> Subject:Re: snap
>>
>> Beautiful piece
>>
>> On Tue, Feb 5, 2013 at 10:44 PM, Lawrence Upton
>> wrote:
>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Crossing the low dune to the beach, the dog
>>>
>>> turned west. That seemed deliberate. I gave
>>>
>>> her some slack; and was pulled, following, to see
>>>
>>> many gulls in gaggle at the head, a spit,
>>>
>>> and the gulls were spitting! so, possibilities
>>>
>>> of beached fish. As we neared, they all skittered
>>>
>>> and rose; the dog leapt into a big rush --
>>>
>>> a fair-sized southern whiting pecked half clean
>>>
>>> on gull-foot-trampled sand, and she galloping off --
>>>
>>> And seemed reluctant to return. At last
>>>
>>> came back to see what I was pointing to.
>>>
>>> She sniffed but was unsure. Too much spattering
>>>
>>> of grit? It never bothered her before --
>>>
>>> I bent down, inhaling; and lifted it;
>>>
>>> half fish, its bottom side still unblemished,
>>>
>>> smelling fresh to me; tossed it into waves,
>>>
>>> the dog after it, jumping in, sniffing;
>>>
>>> and, after some minutes, she thrust her head
>>>
>>> underwater, and pulled it out, dropped it
>>>
>>> at the sea edge and danced away and back and
>>>
>>> around but never touched the corpse again.
>>>
>>> Richard Kessling / Lawrence Upton
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>
>>
>
> --
> Andrew
> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
> 'Undercover of Lightness'
> http://walleahpress.com.au/recent-publications.html
> 'Shikibu Shuffle'
>
http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/new-from-aboveground-press-shikibu.html
>
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