How would 'frayed' go, Andrew, Jill? or the blunter 'torn'? The 'f' from 'frayed' would pick up the 'f' in the opening 'full' but maybe, Andrew, you don't want that degree of pick up. I kind of liked 'tattered' myself on first reading, with its associations of slow unravelment, befitting both the wind and time battering of the stalk and the slow revelation, visuals associated with moon gazing.
Other views?
Bill
On 25/07/2012, at 6:55 PM, Jill Jones <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Images, yes. and first stanza (is it a stanza?), yes.
>
> Wondered about 'tattered', I felt a single syllable should go here.
> 'stalk tattered' is a bit iffy, but somehow wanting a strong first or
> single syllable in second line.
>
> J
>
>
> ________________________ Jill Jones www.jilljones.com.au
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Poetryetc: poetry and poetics"
> To:
> Cc:
> Sent:Wed, 25 Jul 2012 14:07:27 +0800
> Subject:snap: 25/7/2012
>
> full moon
> sunflower
>
> -
>
> sickle moon
> tattered stalk
>
> .
>
> Andrew
> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
>
>
>
|