i would take you home if i knew where that was
i would take you home if you knew where that was
if your feet had roots if your hair had wings if we could fly if we
could grip this earth
with something other than desire
i would take us home if we knew where that was
it could be right it could be sweet it could be the beginning
i would take us home i would plant us there comb your feathers groom your wings
set you free
**************
a backwards leap ...
& i'm having a hard time letting go of 'with something other than / desire'
On Wed, Dec 28, 2011 at 2:34 PM, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> I like it too, Sharon
>
> & sort of agree with Andrew, but have no idea what the proper 'leap' would be....
>
> I think it might be good to delete the couplet: 'with something other than / desire' -- as its grammar feels out of place with the rest. & it seems implied well enough...
>
> Doug
> On 2011-12-27, at 7:07 PM, Andrew Burke wrote:
>
> > I like it a lot, Sharon. I do feel the last line is a bit predeictable from
> > the penultimate line - I think it should be a surprise, syntactically or
> > some wise, maybe 'free as ... ' or another leap (a la Bly's 'Leaping
> > Poetry') ...
> >
> > Andrew
> >
|