Dear A when I was forced briefly to play Cricket -I decided the safest
position was the 'long stop' which would fit quite well into this !cheers P
Hope novel novelling well
From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
Behalf Of andrew burke
Sent: 02 September 2011 09:37
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: Fw: 'Never trust a cricketer'
Not me. I've been banned from the poetic pitch for bowling a maiden over.
Just contributed it for fun - a joke between slips ...
On 2 September 2011 14:21, Patrick McManus
<[log in to unmask]>wrote:
> Andrew did you write it?
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
> Behalf Of andrew burke
> Sent: 02 September 2011 01:30
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Fwd: Fw: 'Never trust a cricketer'
> I thought I'd raise the tone of the group again. Andrew
> *"NEVER TRUST A CRICKETER"
> Come all ye fair young maidens and harken unto me,
> Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be.
> Randier than a sailor who's been six months at sea,
> Never let a cricketer's hand an inch above your knee.
> First let's take the paceman, pure speed from first to last!
> My darlings do be careful; his balls are hard and fast.
> Then there's the medium pacer, his balls swing either way;
> He's really most persistent and can keep it up all day!
> And watch for the off-spinner, girls, another awkward chap.
> If you leave him half an opening, he will slip one through the gap!
> Then there's the wily 'slowy', pure cunning is his strength;
> He'll tempt you, then he'll trap you with his very subtle length.
> So ladies, do be careful, your mothers would agree.
> Never trust a **bowler**, whoever he may be.
> And what about the opening bat, his struggles never cease!
> He has only one ambition, to spend all day at the crease.
> The number three is a dasher, he seldom prods and pokes.
> When he goes into action, he has a fine array of strokes..
> And do beware the slogger, not content with one or two;
> When he arrives at the crease then only six will do.
> Then there's the real stonewaller, girls, he knows what he's about;
> And if you let him settle in, it's hard to get him out!
> We come now to the last man, I hope this will not shock,
> He doesn't mind if he's last man in, as long as he gets a knock.
> So, darlings, do be careful, and be well warned by me:
> Never trust a **batsman**, whoever he may be.
> And watch the wicketkeeper, girls, he's full of flair and dash;
> And if you raise your heel, he'll whip them off in a flash.
> If you take the field with the captain, you had better know the score;
> Or he'll have you in positions that you never knew before!
> The cricket commentator is a nasty sort of bloke,
> He watches all the action and describes it stroke by stroke.
> Even the kindly umpire, who looks friendly as a pup;
> You'll quickly find you've had it, when he puts his finger up!
> So, darlings, please remember and repeat it after me:
> !!!!NEVER TRUST A CRICKETER, WHOEVER HE MAY BE!!!!!*****
> by *Anon*, as far as I can ascertain.
'Mother Waits for Father Late' republished available at