Hi Barry,
Yes, it is intended as a sonnet, partly because derived from songs,
and I put it together in a few ways. The capitalised lines in one
version formed the beginning of stanzas and the title is part of the
poem.
It still had not quite settled so that is why I sent it in this other
form of mostly couplets - I quite like the caps and left them - to see
how it worked. I am thinking I don't mind this version ... but will see.
Thanks,
Jill
__________________________
Jill Jones
[log in to unmask]
website: www.jilljones.com.au
blog: rubystreet.blogspot.com
On 13/07/2011, at 11:22 PM, Barry Alpert wrote:
> Thanks for providing your source and process of composition, Jill.
> Intriguing articulation via only two capitalized words within the
> text and one comma, plus the very effective comma in the title,
> which enables me to read it as a 14-line sonnet.
>
> Barry
>
>
> On Wed, 13 Jul 2011 22:50:28 +0930, Jill Jones <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
>
>> Hi Patrick,
>>
>> You are correct. Troubled it is.
>>
>> It's a re-reading or mistranslation, if you like, of fragments of
>> lyrics from the Nick Drake album, Five Leaves Left.
>>
>> So, in that sense, very english melancholy - but seen by an aussie
>> melancholic.
>>
>> Cheers,
>> Jill
>>
>> __________________________
>> Jill Jones
>> [log in to unmask]
>>
>> website: www.jilljones.com.au
>> blog: rubystreet.blogspot.com
>>
>> On 13/07/2011, at 5:58 PM, Patrick McManus wrote:
>>
>>> A sad feeling here -almost two poems inside each other -or isit just
>>> me??
>>> P
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics
>>> [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
>>> Behalf Of [log in to unmask]
>>> Sent: 13 July 2011 08:18
>>> To: [log in to unmask]
>>> Subject: Snap - troubled, sure
>>>
>>> TROUBLED, SURE
>>>
>>> of what time will show you
>>> about the sky
>>>
>>> for the plan to blow away
>>> You played for more
>>>
>>> fleet from the city
>>> three towns from seeking
>>>
>>> and down to cavelight
>>> when the dark has grown
>>>
>>> lost with everything flown
>>> When the bird has drowned
>>>
>>> told to ruin, earth sinks to
>>> who can know so much
>>>
>>> updated life
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Jill in Adelaide
>>>
>>> ________________________
>>> Jill Jones
>>>
>>> www.jilljones.com.au
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