You point to the flaws you feel might be there, Ken, & I feel somewhat
the same way: it's a strong story, but it seems too much story to me;
& I dont know what would work for you to break that sense of prose
movement, but something of a fragmenting might help.
The ending you lead to is powerful:
but Miles was surprised by a terrible grace,
entry into a world without pain, his thread cut not too soon but in a
moment of accident.
maybe shorter lines would power it a bit more? & was it 'accident'?
Doug
On 2-Jun-10, at 9:29 AM, Kenneth Wolman wrote:
> VETERINARY (June 25, 2002)
Douglas Barbour
[log in to unmask]
http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
Latest books:
Continuations (with Sheila E Murphy)
http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=664
Wednesdays'
http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com/2008/03/new-from-aboveground-press_10.html
because I want to die
writing Haiku
or, better,
long lines, clean and syllabic as knotted bamboo. Yes!
Phyllis Webb
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