i emailed you the tunes offline patRock.
On Mon, Feb 1, 2010 at 12:26 AM, Patrick McManus <
[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Hi Angel do you have to sign up to hear the music?(will I get all tha spam
> ??)I seem to get two songs at once
> Patrick non tech-still I know the song well
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
> Behalf Of Angel Robert Marquez
> Sent: 01 February 2010 04:51
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: poem for review
>
> your poem reminded me of these two songs:
> http://www.lyricsfreak.com/b/beatles/a+day+in+the+life_10026556.html
>
> http://www.lyricsdomain.com/19/suzanne_vega/toms_diner.html
>
> On Sun, Jan 31, 2010 at 7:26 PM, andrew burke <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
>
> > Thanks, Janet. Yes, it was a self-pitying moment masquerading as a poem.
> > I'll chop and add and chop and chip and chop and ... something will
> remain.
> > Third person is a good call - I'll try that. & no Eliot. Thanks again.
> > Andrew
> > (Yes, I'm looking after myself - and Jeanette has a short lease on me so
> I
> > can't venture far until after 10th - boo hoo.)
> >
> > On 1 February 2010 11:20, Janet Jackson <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >
> > > And now, having read the other comments, I can condense mine to:
> > >
> > > 'Like Judy said'
> > >
> > > :-)
> > > Janet
> > >
> > > On 1 February 2010 11:18, Janet Jackson <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > On 29 January 2010 08:02, andrew burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > > >
> > > >> I am presently trying to work this poem out. If you don't know The
> > > >> Hollow Men by TSEliot, it may lose a lot. And this format doesn't
> > > >> allow italics (for those without rich text) for the quotes. Sigh.
> But
> > > >> have a look if you will - any response is valid. And more than
> > > >> welcome!
> > > >>
> > > >> Illustrated History (title)
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> For us, the faded ink
> > > >> whispers of a bleak end.
> > > >>
> > > >> _We are the hollow men ._
> > > >>
> > > >> Brittle bones and flawed heart,
> > > >> I am drained of much
> > > >> and live in echoes.
> > > >>
> > > >> _May this bring back
> > > >> fond memories ._
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > > Until this point I'm bored... I'm thinking, it's another of those
> > > > sad-old-man poems (sorry, Andrew!) But then we get some action and
> > after
> > > > this point I just love the description, especially the bouncing
> > > tradesmen...
> > > > that's so exactly right!
> > > >
> > > > Would anything be lost by starting at this point?
> > > >
> > > > Also it may be better to get rid of the Eliot bits, or maybe just
> quote
> > > him
> > > > once, at the beginning, if you still want that context.
> > > >
> > > > The poem is I guess examining the experience of being older and
> > consigned
> > > > to the role of observer -- in contemporary suburban Australia. Would
> it
> > > be
> > > > more powerful to leave out the introspection? Simply to describe?
> > > >
> > > > I'm not sure whether this poem wouldn't work better in the third
> > > person...
> > > > or perhaps rewrite it from old Marcia's point of view?
> > > >
> > > > HTH, look after yourself
> > > > Janet
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >> My play is all dialogue
> > > >> at the shopkeeper's door
> > > >> with old Marcia who sits
> > > >> on the padded seat
> > > >> of her walking frame.
> > > >>
> > > >> _We are the stuffed men ._
> > > >>
> > > >> As we talk, about weather
> > > >> and rising prices, tradesmen bounce
> > > >> out of utilities and trucks
> > > >> to buy choc-flavoured milk
> > > >> and Mrs Mac's pies.
> > > >> Stained with years,
> > > >> the old lady sips her coffee
> > > >> through a straw
> > > >> and meditates in
> > > >> their exhaust. Her dress
> > > >> is faded and her hair grey
> > > >> but she likes to watch
> > > >> tradesmen come and go,
> > > >> talking of who can bat
> > > >> and who can throw.
> > > >>
> > > >> _Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!_
> > > >>
> > > >> Vice detectives own
> > > >> the shopkeeper's son who
> > > >> now pushes his daughter -
> > > >> thin, bespectacled, thirty -
> > > >> towards the bar.
> > > >> His family history is
> > > >> illustrated in tattoos:
> > > >> Mother's faded numbers
> > > >> over a triangle,
> > > >> his 1% MC and devil-tailed flames,
> > > >> and now
> > > >> her bluebird and red rose.
> > > >>
> > > >> _Behaving as the wind behaves
> > > >> No nearer- _
> > > >>
> > > >> This is the way my day begins,
> > > >> This is the way my day begins,
> > > >> This is the way my day begins:
> > > >> Not with a bang but the paper.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >> Andrew
> > > >> 'Beyond City Limits', pub. ICLL @ ECU, available at topnotch indie
> > > >> bookshops - list at http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
> > > >>
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > --
> > > > Janet Jackson: Words with attitude & soul
> > > > Poems Performances Workshops Courses
> > > > Creative, technical and corporate writing
> > > > Editing
> > > >
> > > > [log in to unmask]
> > > > www.proximitypoetry.com
> > > >
> > > > Perth Poetry Club: www.perthpoetryclub.com
> > > >
> > > > The Line Mine, bulletin board for Perth poetry & spoken word:
> > > > [log in to unmask]
> > > > groups.yahoo.com/group/thelinemine
> > > >
> > > > Breastfeeding info & help: www.breastfeeding.asn.au
> > > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > --
> > > Janet Jackson: Words with attitude & soul
> > > Poems Performances Workshops Courses
> > > Creative, technical and corporate writing
> > > Editing
> > >
> > > [log in to unmask]
> > > www.proximitypoetry.com
> > >
> > > Perth Poetry Club: www.perthpoetryclub.com
> > >
> > > The Line Mine, bulletin board for Perth poetry & spoken word:
> > > [log in to unmask]
> > > groups.yahoo.com/group/thelinemine
> > >
> > > Breastfeeding info & help: www.breastfeeding.asn.au
> > >
> >
> >
> >
> > --
> > Andrew
> >
> > 'Beyond City Limits', pub. ICLL @ ECU, available at topnotch indie
> > bookshops
> > - list at http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
> >
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