Yes, I take your point - & Max made a similar comment about another poem. In print, the poem may well benefit from decapitalisation - a practice I usually avoid, for a number of reasons. But when the poem is said aloud, the typography makes no difference. The thumping rhythm and enjambments are intended to suggest the breathless delivery of juicy local gossip - also the way such stories, told more than once, tend to set into ritual phrasings.
Brian
--- On Thu, 28/5/09, David Bircumshaw <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> From: David Bircumshaw <[log in to unmask]>
> Subject: Re: Another flood snap
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Received: Thursday, 28 May, 2009, 5:31 PM
> I very much like the last line, neat.
> I'm not sure if capitalising the
> beginning of each line is a good idea here as it makes the
> (deliberately, I
> presume) faux enjambments seem that bit too clunky. Rather
> as if someone has
> dropped a sack of spuds on each first foot.
>
> 2009/5/28 Brian Hawkins <[log in to unmask]>
>
> > FLOOD SNAP
> >
> > Meg and Larissa
> > Got stuck on Richardson’s
> > Bridge in the floods
> > And had to be winched
> > Out by Clancy.
> > They stayed at Pete’s
> > Until Tuesday arvo
> > When a helicopter
> > Came and got them
> > And dropped them off
> > At Cat Creek to check
> > On the damage and that
> > And feed the dog.
> > The next day
> > They needed some piping
> > So they caught the chopper
> > Right into Coffs
> > Harbour, landed
> > In the carpark at Bunnings,
> > Bought the piping
> > And flew straight back
> > (Or so I hear.)
> >
> >
> >
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>
>
>
> --
> David Bircumshaw
> "Nothing can be done in the face
> of ordinary unhappiness" - PP
> Website and A Chide's Alphabet
> http://www.staplednapkin.org.uk
> The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html
> Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.co.uk
>
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