As the first line of a poem carries the poem so does the first sentence
of a novel carry the novel. Here is that first sentence:
In sharp morning sun Gavin carries his surfboard wedged tightly up into
his armpit down the sloping turf toward the beach.
My question; can I get away with such a blatant cliché?
It is a single sentence paragraph and I have been pacing around and
around the garden chain smoking for almost three hours now trying to
decide. Is the risk too great? When Plato made of the sun a transitive
production it was novel. Today this is cliché. The sentence is
transitive, no doubt, but I was hoping that there is enough in the
image, adjectives and adverbs, to get away with it. As a copy editor I
would have deleted the sentence without further thought. The next
sentence and paragraph begins:
A film crew with a small camera built into a remotely controlled
miniature helicopter and three large cameras on rail tracks zooming back
and forward are shooting a television advertisement.
This seems far more interesting, but I may be wrong?
Any comments, please, while I go back to endlessly pacing and chain
smoking. Best wishes, Chris Jones.
PS. Etymologically, a cliché is the sound of molten metal striking a
mould or matrix so it is, in effect, mimesis. Curious given the
dominating diegetic form of the sentence and the apparent lack of
lyrical content in the sentence, except perhaps the imagery. As a song,
maybe a tin ear lyric in a modern opera? But that's my reading, that's
all, for now.
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