Well it's the best I can do at just after four o'clock in the morning
local time, Judy! I do know what you mean about making the analogy
'worked', that's why I left it at four lines.
Care
Dave
2008/12/27 Judy Prince <[log in to unmask]>:
> Gorgeous last line, especially, Dave. I keep wanting to take out "snowed by
> the fall of" bcuz it seems 'worked' to extend the analogy, whereas 'the
> slush of waking' and 'the soft slow flakes' play----perfectly balanced,
> gently startling, thought-bringing.
> Best,
>
> Judy
>
>
> 2008/12/26 David Bircumshaw <[log in to unmask]>
>
>> Even as I remember them, they fall from me.
>> Perhaps we were once a part, apart now
>> in the slush of waking, snowed by the fall
>> of the soft slow flakes of shall we call it time?
>>
>> --
>> David Bircumshaw
>> Website and A Chide's Alphabet
>> http://homepage.ntlworld.com/david.bircumshaw/
>> The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html
>> Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.co.uk
>>
>
--
David Bircumshaw
Website and A Chide's Alphabet http://homepage.ntlworld.com/david.bircumshaw/
The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html
Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.co.uk
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